in limbo and an emotional mess...

[JoieDeVivre]

OW is getting way too demanding of him in that she "told" him he needs to file divorce papers and start taking his money and dealing with the financial aspects of this, H didn't care for that at all, she went through his cell phone while he was asleep H is not one that you "tell" what to do but H is starting to see some of what I've been telling him about her and told me last nite that he is going to tell her today that he has no intention of divorcing me so we'll see.

mzul,
There are quite a few crazy OW/OM on this board. I was lucky enough to have one of those in my sitch. I say lucky because when this woman started being demanding/conniving/threatening/nasty, I stood back and let her show her true colors.

I just didn't stand back and do nothing though, I DBed, acted as if, etc. It took extreme patience as at times I just wanted to run like h3ll in the other direction. But in the end, it was the right strategy for me.

OW in your sitch sounds really insecure if she's doing the snooping on your H! He needs to tread carefully here if she's really as emotionally unstable as she sounds.

Joie

[MAZ]

Joie,
that is kind of how I am taking this, OW is slowly but surely showing H exactly what her ex told him she would do and what I have been saying she would do. Everytime he said "she wouldn't do that" she does something to make H say "hmmm" I told H he'd best take a step back and think twice b4 something else happens, I am fully expecting OW to trap H by becoming pregnant, and I explained to H that if that happens I will be done, those consequences I will not be involved in, because then she has H in her life forever,, if H comes back he needs to realize she is gone. It is not going to be like it was before I knew about OW, can't have both. So I am trying to just let her sink herself but at the same time keep him from making another mistake.

She is snooping because she wants me "out" of his life and i'm pretty sure that she knows that isn't going to happen but she doesn't realize that we have the 2 boys so i'll be part of his life no matter what she pulls, so she is trying to play the sympathy card by doing what she did and make H feel guilty, like its his fault, I just hope he continues to wake up and see her for what she is before its too late, told H just worry about what she pulls next

[MAZ]

Well a busy week,, H has been here all week until today been a crazy week,, OW tried to kill herself when H told her he did not want to divorce me,,, she was "committed" to the hospital until today,, and now all the good that came of the last week is coming undone,, H was here 24/7 for the last week and a half since OW pulled what she did,, but was released today and 1st person she called was H,,, she had no where to go so is now staying at H's apt. H just told me last nite and this morning in email that he is coming home,, now I don't know what to think,,I don't know if I can keep playing this back and forth game,,, and we had such a good week, now i don't know what is going to happen....

[Sugar and Spice]

mzul just checking in to see how you are today?

[MAZ]

Sugar- thanks for chkg in,,, ah not too well,, definitely was better before yesterday when the OW was back in public, met H at lunch time today and he assures me I have nothing to worry about,, but I know how the OW operates and now that she is in his apt. and has no where else to be OW will be there 24/7,,, i told H she will get him back in bed and will get preganant on purpose,,she's already using his car again, everything else I told H would happen has happened,, thats the only thing left short of her actually talking him into leaving for good... it is just so emotionally draining, up until yesterday afternoon when she was released H told me he was making arrangements to come home, and now i'm back on the emotional rollercoaster,,, fine one minute and not the next. He is supposed to stop by tonite after his class and before he goes to work, but we'll see if that happens. She will get her claws back in and has a week and a 1/2 to make up for and every day, all day to do so I don't know what is going to happen at this point. all I can do is keep doing what i'm doing... getting really tired

[SueS]

mzul-

You said in an earlier post that the OW has been making your H stop and say hmmmmm. I know this is tough, but even after her trying to take her life, he's still trying to assure you that you have nothing to worry about. Maybe her attempted suicide was a HUGE hmmmm to him and although he feels he can't just step away all at once, he's seeing what life would be like with her.

I'm sorry that I'm a bit behind on your thread. Does she work or have other family? You mentioned that she told your H she has no where else to go.

A big hug to you from me. I hope your H's eyes have opened completely from her latest actions.

SueS

[MAZ]

SueS-
yes I believe the OW has given him reason to say Hmmmm, yet he still feels like he has to be there for her mostly because from what I heard she blamed him for her attempted suicide, and it drives me crazy, in talks that H and I have had I've almost played out the whole scenario step by step (except the attempted suicide, didn't think she was that crazy), but from what I was told she has done it before, it is an attention getter and she knew this would get her kicked out of the shelter she was staying in, which I also told H would happen thus leaving her "nowhere" else to go. and no this is what truly puzzles me,, she does not work,, NEVER has, I believe she has a brother in the area and know her mother is in NH, her ex told her he would take her back but she chooses to continue to make the lives of my H and I and our boys miserable, again,, he is letting her. I know she will use this time at his place to seduce him, play on his emotions, and put distance between H and I yet again,, I know H sees what I am saying but refuses to break that tie completely at this point,, I know H fights with her a lot, mostly about me and the boys, she wants him to herself and no one else, she also had her 8 y/o son taken from her at least temporarily when she pulled the attempted suicide, another part of her plan,, no she has NO responsibilities,, no job, no kids to worry about, nothing except sitting her a** at H's place and being attached at the hip 24/7. I don't know that I can believe H when he says I have nothing to worry about, I worry that they will still see each other even if he does come home,,I just don't know what to do.. I know I want him home,, but she has to be OUT of the picture otherwise its back to sneaking around and what you don't know doesn't hurt,, ya know?

[SueS]

mzul-

I'm sorry. Your H seems to have picked a winner. Please don't take my response as being funny. It just seems like most of our H's pick people that don't measure up to us. I'm not perfect, I'm the first to admit. However, my H picked someone that he thought needed to be rescued too. It's a little different than the OW in your sitch. She's married, has 4 kids, a job, a great house, a husband who loves her....etc. She's not a bright one though and has convinced my H that she lives with a horrible man who just doesn't know how to love her like my H does. Unfortunately I've met OW & her H. He's not a bad guy. He worked hard and put a lot of hours in supporting her & their 4 kids (she didn't work most of their 20-yr marriage). He loved her, but not the way she wanted to be loved. Blah, blah, blah. I know I'm probably rambling. I just want you to know that I truly, truly feel your pain. I know that saying that doesn't really help, but I do feel it. This is my H's 2nd affair. The first one pushed us to the doorstep of D before we reconciled. This one.....well, we're both currently working on setting ourselves up for our new lives....apart. It hurts and there are a lot of questions along the way.

I just hope that your H can see the light brightly enough to know what he has at home and how destructive this OW is being.

Have a good night. I'll keep checking on you.

SueS

[MAZ]

Thanks SueS, yes a very manipulative winner,,, and I know you weren't being funny,,, hey i know i'm not perfect either, but I work full time and always have, and do pretty much everything to keep the household running from running the kids everywhere despite working full time, dinner, cleaning, etc, you name it,, and ya pick an OW who does nothing.... I just don't get it. I haven't heard from H all day, and he's been with her all day since he got off work at 8:30 this morning,, he told the kids he was stopping over tonite, but then again said that yesterday and never came by, so OW is working her b/s again... I just don't know how long i can keep fighting for something I have no control over... as much as I want to H is falling back into her trap again,, and its only been 2 days since she got out... I am so down right now,, and tired...

[SueS]

mzul-

Where are you and how are you? Just checking on you.

You said it in your post.....you have no control over this. It hard to take the stance of....okay then, I'll just stop fighting. You have kids involved. You certainly don't want to see this OW in their lives in any way, shape or form. There were times that I just wanted to give up, give in. I didn't because of my D4. My M is on the path of D, but I don't feel like I gave up. I hate saying I gave up. I fought, I just didn't win this time. Sounds like you've told your H how you feel and he's listened. It's in his hands now as to what he's going to do/choose.

The OW in my sitch works, but works nights. That's how she met my H. They worked together. She's not a supportive mom though. She's ready to pack up and kids and take them away from her H, but he's been the only support they've known for a long time. She works nights on M-Thurs. & then Sun. She has Friday off, but goes out at night and plays Bunko with her friends.....or meets my H. She spends all day Sat. with her kids, but then sleeps Sunday until she had to get up for work. Essentially, she spends less than a day & 1/2 with them most weeks. It's really, really sad. And this is the woman my H wants to be with? Someone who will chose him over her own children? Good luck to them both. Don't get me wrong. I still hurt, but the pain isn't nearly as intense any more. It's there from time to time, but it's gets better.

I wish I could give you my email address, but I don't think they let us do that any more on this site. Let me know how you're doing, okay.

Hugs - SueS