The strangest thing occurred to me today and that was that one day, I'm actually going to be able to THANK HIM for walking away (regardless of whether or not he comes back) because it has FORCED ME to get stronger in areas that, for whatever reason, I had lost confidence in or had gotten lazy in. I used to be so independent but over the years have lost a lot of my ability to fend for myself. It's weird, too, because my Mom raised her daughters (of which I am the oldest) to be able to take care of themselves whether they had a man in their lives or not. But I learned in my first marriage from so many teachings and conditioning from our church leaders that I had to be "submissive" and I interpreted that as needing to be dependent so that the man didn't feel "usurped" or threatened by my strength. Then when I married my H, who is so much younger than me, I tried even harder to not be too strong so that he wouldn't feel like I was his mother or something. Craziness, I tell ya. I've been revisiting the "Proverbs 31 woman". That was one tough chickie and one smart cookie. lol She was a strange paradox but I am learning a lot from her.
