Searching for the truth..for me 5

[phbear316]

SG

No, I am tired of taking the hits on the chin, and punches to the stomach.

I am tired of all this pain, I am so spent in trying to save something is not there.

On a different note, my mother in law just found out she has a malignant growth in her colon. I feel so lost, I said that i felt bad to H, and i was so sorry. The response I got was yea, well we all down here will deal with it. Again another hit, another sign I am not wanted or welcome to be there for her or even him. She is replacing me. In all ways, i'm sure he showed so much emotion to her about his mother.

This too I will deal with. I will be there for my mother in law. I just cannot shut off 17 years of emotions for her, cause he wants me too. Not going to happen. Even with him, its difficult to just forget all those years.

lwb, thanks for thanks for being proud of me. some days I need to hear that. Yes I have had these things, just did not have the strength to use them. Now is the time. I am scared. Very scared. But I know what has to be done, and its time. Yes to look at his phone was painful. Just another slap in the face. again and again and again. And i am sure there are more to come, that i am very sure about. To hear more and more of what people are saying what he has been telling others is painful too. But I believe there is more to come.

hugs to all
bear