I don't want to contact the chain of command about the affair. Not that I am shy about addressing them (much to my husbands' dismay, I have never had a problem going to command if he's not flying right). But I have to keep my children's well being first and foremost. I totally believe that this new relationship is going to be short lived (based on what I know about him). I do not want to affect his career long term. I have to think about child support and medical insurance. The longer he's in, the higher the rank, the more money he makes.
The physical abuse is a past issue and not as prevalent as the emotional abuse. In all honesty, I would be considered the one most guilty of physical abuse towards him. I have be known to hurl dishes (or whatever was the closest thing to me when I was at my breaking point) or lunge at him, claws out, when he would get mad and say I was stupid, etc. I have a tendency to yell when I'm mad, too (at whoever). He's done his share but definitely, I was the most physical of the two of us. It would build up and he'd push and push and then I'd snap. And my mouth....yeah, big problem there. I've always been small and my mom says that I learned early on to use my mouth as a weapon. I have definitely perfected my skill with it, too. But like a counselor told me years ago....the survival tactics I NEEDED to use as a child are no longer necessary but when I get scared or frustrated or feel helpless, subconsciously I resort to what I know.
I'm reading "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Love Busters" by Dr. Harley and *wow* light bulbs are going off left and right in my head. Over the years, I have been quick to point out the crappy things my husband does or has done but have neglected to REALLY face up to the damaging things/habits/behaviors of my own. I have justified them as being more "socially acceptable" but didn't realize how much they were making my husband's "love bank" go in the red. It has been a "catch 22" of sorts....like which came first, the chicken or the egg?
However, his inconsistency with support is unacceptable. Every month since he moved out, I don't know what I'll have to work with. It usually averages out to be between $300-350 per month (on the 1st). He's supposed to be taking care of my van payment and our joint car insurance. But he hasn't paid the van payment in months. The loan company told me (but not him, because they know our situation) that they won't repo a vehicle on a military base, they'll just charge it off but it will affect the soldier's security clearance. One day recently when they contacted him, he didn't have the money so he called me to see if I knew what we could do. I told him that I didn't have any money and he got such an attitude with me that day and got pretty belligerent, cutting me down, etc. and going on and on about his security clearance and he won't be able to graduate with honors, etc. Well, sparky, not my problem. You should have thought about that when you spitefully stopped the loan allotment in December. I think a big reason why he left was because he wanted to force me to get a job because he didn't want to share his (small) paycheck anymore. I'm not in a position to get a job that will make any kind of positive financial difference. Also, I think he's a coward.
