Yep. I will deliberately call him sometimes when I know they are together, because he has told me how much she hates it when I call. Even if he doesn't answer the phone, I have my own ringtone and it might be passive agressive and childish, but I'm not above it. LOL!!!
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Once, when I followed my wife and caught her meeting up with OM in a department store parking lot, I waited for them to get into his truck and drive off. Then I took my spare key, and took her car (actually registered to me, and I paid for it 100%), and left her mine, with my keys under the floor mat.
Then I waited for her phone call. Man, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when, after getting together for their little "afternoon delight," they come back to her parking spot only to get BUSTED!!!!
That is PRICELESS!! I have threatened to and now I am going to go to the cardroom and move H's car, just to mess with him. I have threatened to do it before, but now I will have to.
Just to let him know, "I know!"
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Got a text message from H that says that he will be sleeping at the house Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri. For some reason this made me cry. I just became overwhelmed with emotions and started bawling. Then I went around the house and did as many "mean things" as I could. Unplugged his alarm clock, took the pillow case off his pillow, erased the message he had written to remind himself something, threw away his lighter...little things that will be annoying to him. I want to continue to send him the message that he is not welcomed at this house. He may have won the whole "legal" issue of getting to stay here, but I don't want it to be easy on him.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Got a text message from H that says that he will be sleeping at the house Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri. For some reason this made me cry. I just became overwhelmed with emotions and started bawling. Then I went around the house and did as many "mean things" as I could.
Sara, do you think maybe it's the stress of living with H when he probably isn't being faithful? I know I had a strong feeling of relief when H moved out finally. I think it is not good for our PMA to live together when our WAS is so messed up. But I have to say, do you think doing mean things is a good way to deal with that? I know it is understandable of course!!! But just wondering whether you could try to focus more on yourself and basically ignoring your H as much as possible. Not letting him know he is bothering you and living your life as happy & carefree as you possibly can? Although I know planning the mean stuff sounds like a lot of fun of course! Karen
Its ok to cry and let it out. He is forcing this situation to be so much more stressful than it could be. Do you think he is concerned that it would be considered 'abadoning' the home if he was completely gone? I know my H was (and his dumb brother told him to never leave the house...idiot).
Karen is right. Its so stressful that H is involved in an A, and also sending you mixed messages. But to be 'removed' from your own home? So much stress.
I think I was the first out of our little 'group' here whose H moved out. It was the best thing that happened. I wished he would have left in the fall, when I was begging him to leave.
Oh I know you are right. It IS the stress of him still coming and going whenever he pleases. This is his current schedule: Work until 3, go to school from 4-10, go to the OW's house and mess around with her until 1:00am, come to our house and sleep until it is time to go to work again in the morning. Meanwhile I stay in the house from about 6-10 then I go to my parent's house to sleep.
He stays here not because of abandonment but because of money. He doesn't have anywhere else to go that suits his fancy. His mother said that he could sleep there, but he doesn't like that idea. And since this this is "his house" he is going to be stubborn and not leave. He IS making this so much more difficult than he needs to. But it is only difficult on me. For him he gets what he wants....a lover and a nice home. That is why I am trying not to make this home so nice for him.
That is why I need to go through with this divorce contract. It will say that I will give him x amount of money (enough for him to have a decent apartment) for the house and that he has to leave in a certain amount of time and that the marriage is over. I just wish the whole "marriage is over" section wasn't in there.
Haven't talked to H in 2 days (except for the VERY brief talk yesterday about how he was sleeping at the house). Trying so hard to be hard and detatched, but I am just hurting so much right now. I need to talk to the pastor about these issues that I am going through....
sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Have you thought or talked to an atty about a legal separation? Maybe you could buy him out of the house, but not divorce right away? Or could you just refinance by yourself, and deed the house in your name (after you pay him off)? Just thinking of options, because, girl, I understand the "marriage is over' part being scary!
Well from what I understand there really is no "legal seperation" in Illinois. That is only for people who have been seperated for many years. I hate how I feel like I am stuck with my back up against the wall. I really don't have a ton of choices and the ones I have I don't like.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
that's odd, where I live in Ontario, you can be legally separated as soon as the partner leaves, you must be legally separated for at least 1 year to file for divorce, with no breaks where the partner moves back in for any period of time. The exception to this is adultry where you then do not have to wait a full year to get divorced.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
But just wondering whether you could try to focus more on yourself and basically ignoring your H as much as possible. Not letting him know he is bothering you and living your life as happy & carefree as you possibly can? Although I know planning the mean stuff sounds like a lot of fun of course!