ROP - Great catching that game with you yesterday - your kids are precious. I meant to grab on of the schedules for the team that plays there, maybe we could meet again, I am sure you kids would love it as well!
And you know as well, whenever you are feeling like you are going to lose it, call me - let's talk it out. Have a great time on this week when you have a chance to relax - I take off on Tuesday for a week as well - kind of looking forward to it as well.
Be well,
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
I am at the beach house of my boss - the view of the ocean, birds singing outside, a cappuccino on my hand, a dog, a cat, I am relaxing on a breathtaking patio - today life is good, really good. Yesterday I went out for dinner, nice place with live music, W called at the cell so I could say goodnight to the kids, she hears the music in the background and the chatting of the people around - I can hear from her voice she is kind of upset - "do you have a bit of time for your kids?" - she is sarcastic - I don't pick up the provocation and I keep my mood up - (well done rop) Yes I am having good time and I can tell she is bothered by it, and this pleases me sooooo much .... I wish I could repeat this day over and over.
I'm glad you are GALing and having a great time. I'm also glad to read how you were more amused by her hiding out in the bathroom with her cell phone rather than feeling hurt or angry by it (sometimes this stuff really is funny!). That's a step towards detachment! Although I have to warn you, you are still on a rollar coaster and will probably have plenty more ups and downs. That's very normal.
The thing I found that helped me with detachment was not buying into the fantasy of S and OP's "relationship." It is all fantasy, and a realtionship based on many of the flimsy things these A's are based on are almost always bound to have it's own ups and downs and very difficult times. Yeah, they feel romantic and wonderful in the beginning, but at some point people have to deal with one another's imperfections (which can be even more annoying than a previous spouse you've had years to get used to). Nothing is perfect, and dating D people and dealing with minor children from previous marriages is bound to be VERY far from perfect. Statistically very few work well......
Not that she'd ever believe it. Don't even bother trying to tell her that. She'd just see it as you trying to coerce her or control her. She'll have to figure these things out on her own. And who knows maybe she really will be in the 1% that do have a decent realtionship. But it's just very very unlikely. And this is nothing you should worry about because you have to focus more on you and treat yourself very well...
Think: Healing and growth, being good to you, following some dreams, using the time to understand yourself better, read and learn about women and relationships, read up on great sex, etc.... look at what it will take to be the best boyfriend or H possible at some future date... (that doesn't mean you aren't hoping the M will stay together, it's preparing for wherever the road leads). That is what I have learned is all we can do when this sort of thing happens.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
