Oh, and what I meant about the mortgage thing was, I just couldn't afford to live in the house on my income. H was too proud to move out of the house and unfortunately, the house will be foreclosing soon. (H is in denial about this). So you can see, I had no real choice to stay in my home.
I'll run it by the DB coach tomorrow but tink, you are most likely very right about doing nothing. I'm so fed up with being rejected even when my attempts to contact him are with good reason. The hardest part for me will be getting over the fear that by my not calling first or telling him in some way that I can't make it; that it will not lay a good foundation for him to see me in a positive light...but I guess if he saw me that way now he'd respond. He did call me though a few nights ago to tell me coming to see him June 2nd was fine and that he was "off work". Not sure if I mentioned that. Even so, still do nothing? Just making sure.
Update: Spoke with my DB coach today (could only afford one session unfortunately). She gave me GREAT insight. Problem is; she had to go before she could really address my "what about June 2nd" question. She didn't really have all the details but told me to just say something like "didn't hear back from you, would you forward me my mail..." And like I said, I don't know if H will take my saying that as me trying to retaliate for not answering my emails etc. She said it was really important for me not to do anything in retaliation right now and to ignore "bad" actions while rewarding or acknowledging the good. So...here's what I did: I went to the Post Office and sent a pre-paid envelope with a note that said, "Didn't hear back from you about what time would work for my visit. Maybe not a good day for your schedule? I understand because that Monday is going to be hectic for me too and I'm not sure what time my friend needs her car back. No big deal. Anyway, would you send me my mail in the enclosed envelope? I'd appreciate it. Thank you! - Deb". And I dropped it in the mail; he'll get it in a couple of days and by then my visit will be just a few days away. DB coach said not to think too far in advance but I figured that the "send me my mail" thing would allow him time to "correct" my assumptions or it will give him an out without forcing him to contact me. Either way it will keep me from having to face him when I'm still working on trying to keep my emotions (and need to control) in check. Hope it works!
And now, do not contact him first ever ever until you hear from him, be it June 1st, June 2nd or Dec. 31 lol
You did fantastic!
Now just keep busy, keep your cell off and check your phones like only once a day before you go to bed (if you can) and get out of the house a lot for the next few weeks. It will help you feel strong.
I will heed your good advice Tink, thank goodness I did something right for a change(ha ha). I do plan to get out more; and I even scraped together some extra money to pay a bill that's been hanging over my head forever, this did wonders for my self esteem too. I like feeling as if I'm getting some dignity back. Thanks again!
By the way, when I was on the phone w/DB coach, she was outlining the "4 stages of reconciliation" for me. I got 1-3 (dust settles is #1, friendship is #2, dating is #3...) What is #4? Does anyone know? I'm assuming it's the point or stage where there is a complete reconciling of the marriage but DB coach had to go before we could cover that one. Just curious. Post if you know more about the stages of reconciliation.
#4 is reconciliation/rebuilding.....I've read around that the stage 2/3 transition is the hardest to make.
I like that you put the envelope in the mail, and seocnd Tink's advice- don't contact him any more now. Let's see what happens (harder than it is to write!)
