journaling here: There are times I just want my life back. I feel like we all feel in the beginning: just give me my life back. I want to fall on the floor and beg spouse and swear that I will do anything to save our family. (not a pretty picture now that I put it into words) But that's how I feel some times. Another part of me wonders why it always seems to be me that's willing to "change" and am I sentencing myself to a lifetime of settling for 2nd or even 3rd place? Am I afraid of loss, or change, or what?
Every time I lay down a boundary spouse has some type of fit. After she went to "visit" ow on Sat night I asked her not to call me during the day on Sunday. I sent her a simple email saying "please don't call me, you know DD is safe. I'll see you when you get home" She generally calls from work to check in and see what DD and I are up to. She didn't call but when she came home from work she told me privately that she was being "respectful" but it was unreasonable of me. What if she wanted to talk to DD?
yep, any kind of boundary is beyond her.
And I'm disappointed in the couples therapist. I did the initial "finding" of therapist and I told this person up front that we needed to "reconnect" and fast, was she into brief solution therapy and she assured me she was. But we've been wandering in the land of "why" as far as I'm concerned. I get the impression that she thinks I just don't get it. Do I confront her on this? Do I do it privately or in front of spouse or WTF? It's not like I can say to spouse "let's find someone new". Spouse is "comfortable" with this one, probably because others have told her she was "wrong" or making the problem and this one has not even hinted at "blame". Anybody ever had this problem and how did you handle it?
It's just not a pretty time around her. I still love my spouse, she considers me her "family". And yet we sit in the same old bog, me feeling like I'm holding us up and wondering if I should just let it sink. )*&*^!!!
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
