very quick (I need to leave the office), it was worth to wait for your update!!! BRAVO!!!!!!!!!! Congrats!!!
Now go to piecing and read all the advice people have posted over there because you will need it. It sounds like he needs to kick the habbit before he can really "come" back to you. There is also a grieving period involved for him and you have to be patient.
Stick to GALing and upbeat and happy Stella. Help him come through so he can love you the way you deserve to be loved.
I think you need to go back over what happened and look at all the positives. Write them down if you have to and read them when you feel down.
You're only human Stella and you're allowed to slip up. Maybe you shouldn't haven gotten drunk but it's too late now. You need to look past the mistake and move on. I think deep down you wanted to get all this hurt and anger out. You've bottled it all up inside for too long. The suggestion that you see a C is a great one and it'll help you get the anger out in a healthy manner.
Remember what they say here about the OW? The sp who had the appair will go through a type of withdrawal because the OP was like an addiction. Also your H is still in MLC so take a look at the stages and how to help him through this.
(((Stella)))
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Stella I think you handled everything just fine.. but note to self.. avoid alcohol. It's too liberating at times. But you know, you've been keeping everything in stride and you are human. Sometimes we need to let it out.. it probably shows the WA that we are human and that we aren't pretending that things are hunky dory.. but that we are trying to make the best of a bad situation.
Thank you so much for posting. We were worried about you.. Looks like we needn't be. You are now officially on the road to piecing. Seems to be a trend.. (John is over there now).. I HOPE the trend continues!
I know exactly how you feel - you're still on that rollercoaster and will be there for some time. Whenever you get a chance read up on my sitch. My H keeps doing the same thing - getting closer and then withdrawing again. They say that piecing is not easy.
Keep in touch whenever you can. You're in my thoughts.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
So glad to hear from you. I agree, avoid alcohol, but you know sometimes we just have to let it out. Maybe it showed him that you are human & how much hurt he has caused you. I think that is great that he chose you over OW!!
I think you are going to have a huge rollercoaster ride, I've been reading Addie's sitch & it sounds like she is going thru a lot of the same thing with her H. I'm happy for you & I think Jen is right, write down the positives & go back & read them every day.
I am so excited! He chose you! He realized the treasure he had in his own home and came back to reclaim it.
Now, do NOT beat yourself up for the outburst. Sure, you did do it under the influence of alcohol, but perhaps it was time for it to be said. It is important for your H to understand the pain and anguish that he has caused you during all of this. You ahve apologized, he has accepted, BOTH of you need to let it go now.
Obviously, counseling is something that should be continued for both of you, alone and together. It is going to help both of you deal with the myriad of emotions that are going to occur in this roller coaster ride you are just getting on.
Church is a positive and something the two of you need to continue together. They say confession is good for the soul. That does not just mean to confess our sins, but to also confess our faith in one, true God and His ability to heal all things through faith.
I am not surpised that he has withdrawn. He has chosen you, but he will still need to grieve for what he had with her as well. During this grieving, you must continue to be supportive for him, but do not forget to be good to YOU, too. Your GAL still needs to continue. Do not backslide on YOU and what YOU have accomplished during this time.
You are amazing and I will continue to follow along as you begin to piece back your marriage.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
where have you been? Ar eyou one of those that make it and don't come back to report? You know you would be ruining the statistics... (I hope you are...) K
WOW! I am so sorry I missed your post from a few days ago. That is AMAZING! I am so happy your H made the right choice and choose you. You are AWESOME!!!
I totally agree with Jen's comments above- he's just made a HUGE decision, and will go through a grieving process for the life he's left. Sadly, the only thing to do is to be supportive and give him space to grieve. He will come back to you emotionally, but he needs to be in his cave for a while first. Act AS IF, be happy, positive, upbeat and acknowledge that he needs space. He'll need to deal with that first before he can focus on getting the loving feelings back with you, and look after you.
Secondly, stay away from the drink! Bad for the head, bad for the liver!! Will you continue with H's IC? I think that sounds like a great thing to do, and YAY that the C is pro-marriage. That's good news (and I know you were worried about that way back!).
Finally, expect to walk on eggshells for a while. Piecing is supposed to be harder than DBing, and it'll take some time to adjust. Give yourself a break girl- look how far and how well you've done. You are an inspiration Stellitsa!
