Okay I am doing dumb things now. So after all that is going on I got side tracked, lost my good judgement or hope...I don't know. So I met a woman that I have not met in person. We have talked on the phone 2 times & sent a few text messages nothing that could be misunderstood or sexual at all. I am not looking for sex, or a girlfriend really just wanted to talk to a woman that would listen to me and not judge me. Which is how I feel most of the time with my W. So last night I was hanging up with this woman and my W "caught" me. She asked me if I had met someone and I said no since this was not a "someone" I plan on dating or anything like that. I took it further and lied when she asked me if my call was with a male or female. (said male) I don't really know why I lied, it is just what I have done in the past when I feel like I am cornered or she is coming down on me. So instead of doing more of the same, I decided to tell the truth within a couple of minutes. Lie had already been said, but anyway she got really upset because to her this is what I do. I lie and get caught. Nevermind she has been sleeping with a guy since a week or less after we Sep. Has dubed him her 2nd husband to her friends & family. I know 2 wrongs don't make a right but I feel like she took it way too far. After all this she said she thought we need to file for D now. I said I disagree and will not be apart of that now. I guess the good thing is that she was upset about all of this. If she were truly done then she would be happy about all of this and see it as me moving on. I am not moving on nor do I plan to at this point I have been fighting for or R for a long time. Anyone who reads this please send me any feedback was I out of line? I am wanting our M to succeed & get back on track, but my W thinks there is no chance we will ever fix us or get back to a place of happiness. I still think it is possible and want that more than anything. I want my R to be a happy healthy one that our kids will grow up seeing what a good R looks like. I read step #6 of Divorce Remedy last night and the question: "what could I do that would make it more likely that she is going to want to make those change?" My answer was simply be honest. Be honest with myself & everything I do especially everything that has to do with my W. I was so mad at myself for lying in the first place last night. I did not need to lie, but it just came out. I was scared that the truth would be worse than the lie. So I got to witness both. Her being upset about the truth & about the lie. So moral of the story truth would be easier. I have to go to work now and just wanted to write this while fresh in my head. Thanks for reading & again, any feedback appreciated.
ME 33 W 37 Together 8 M: 5+ disconnected: 5 D: 2 D: 3
