Gineen-- I know for me, I was very co-dependent. It has to do with my upbringing, being a child of an alcoholic. We are trained from birth to accept the unacceptable, rather than face abandonment issues that run very deep. I know it all intellectually, but the heart is stubborn. I read on another thread, and it rings so true:
If it hurts, do what you have to do while it hurts. Do not wait for the pain to go away--it prolongs things. I kept waiting for the pain to stop, and used it as an excuse, giving in to my wants and contacting my stbx, even when he made it clear to me that he didn't want to support me emotionally anymore. At one point recently, he said that if only I had been stronger....
Do not show him your pain. They not only don't care, but they don't deserve to see it--it is too personal. Don't try to relate to them as you have always known them to be--they are not the same person right now.
I can only say this after degrading myself, begging him to come home over and over. It doesn't work. DB may work, if you are strong enough. Concentrate on GAL, focusing all you can on you and that precious baby of yours. How is your support system? Do you have help, other people you can lean on?
I remember during labor, how I was awed how each time I thought that the pain could not possibly get any worse--it did. And I survived it. This is a very similar process. Try to detach from the pain--observe it, look at it, experience it, then let it go in its own waves and time. You will survive it, even when you don't want to.
I will try to write more later, but I am glad you found this site--you are not alone.
