I know how hard it is to live with them during this mess. As far as what you said to your D11, don't beat yourself up. It's really tough when they say things out of the blue. Mine (esp D13) still do. I tend to respond with questions back to them, like "How does the thought of that make you feel?" There are times when IMO you have to give them as much of an answer as you have so that they do learn to trust their instincts. Would your H be willing to sit down with you and the girls and tell them that you're having problems and trying to work them out? I know you think he's running and not trying to work out anything, but is that really true? Like Sir, I think the compliment was nice and if he can do that there might be something down deep.
I know how you feel about refusing to be the one to tell your D's. It took me quite awhile to come down from my H "owning" and taking responsibility for his mess to our D's to my current position. The bigger better question is what's best for them?
