One love/One life/When it's one need/In the night

[LolaL]

I still say they should make a federal holiday out of kicking the OW or OM's butt. I suppose that is counterproductive too, though, and in the long run is only temporary.

Kris is right...the best thing you can do is remember what is done is done, and continue to live your life. I sent the OW a message when I first found out begging her not to take my husband. I felt like a fool later.

Another old cliche: living well is the best revenge...

[klm]

Well, we've all done it. I don't even think that what you did was that bad Michelle, I just don't want you to let her get to you to the point that you are doing things in order to get a reaction out of her or your H.

The thing is the first thing they do is run and tell our H's and they get mad at us. I sent OW a text before H moved out and he was FURIOUS with me....but yet if I was mad at him for having an A then I am the irrational one.

You can't talk any sense into either one of them right now.

[MichelleLT]

Yeah, well, what's done is done. We shall see what happens.

Hmmm, H just IMd me to say at least some, if not all, of the tax money is in.

And is talking about his camping trip now lol.

[MichelleLT]

And from me wishing him a Happy Memorial Day we are now onto this...
(8:59:22 PM) H: war shows us what we are, and it doesn't fit in with polite society these days
(9:00:04 PM) H: some can walk away
(9:00:11 PM) H: some are scarred
(9:00:27 PM) H: some need more excitement in life
(9:10:02 PM) H: you dont get scarred unless you happen to be particularly weak, most of us just grow the [censored] up
(9:13:59 PM) Me: it seems sad to me how many people lose their innocence, even their sense of humor
(9:17:48 PM) H: I don't like knock knock jokes like I did when I was four either
(9:17:59 PM) H: doesn't mean I'm damaged
(9:18:20 PM) Me: i dunno......;-)
(9:18:23 PM) H: I've just come a little closer to teh truth of my mortality than most spoiled fat ass americans
(9:19:29 PM) H: damaged is if I started taking a liking to 14 year old boys
(9:22:16 PM) H: if you want to call veterans scarred then you are guarded by the scarred and damaged
(9:22:54 PM) Me: that's not what i said
(9:23:05 PM) H: the only thing wrong with us is belief in a system that is broken

*sigh* I really don't know what to say when he gets like this. I guess that's why he feels like I don't understand him...I feel like there should be great DB opportunities here, but I am not feeling creative.

[MichelleLT]

Well, not sure if that conversation was productive. When he goes off on his political rants it always makes me uncomfortable. Whatever my personal beliefs about our government, I'm still an officer in the Army and work for the President. I bit my tongue a lot though, tried not to turn it into a debate - something I've gotten very good at in the last 3 years and now have to consciously work at not doing lol.

At any rate, I'm off to bed. Sleep tight everyone.

[Virtually_Handsome]

I'm not sure it is political with him. It's more idealogical. For him, it almost seems that war is the purpose, rather than the tool. If that makes sense. He sees is as a way of weeding out the "weak". I find his feeling that only the very weak would be scarred by war to be pretty disturbing. He almost sounds like he believes war is a good thing, in general terms. War can be necessary, but it is hard to see how it can be good!

[Kalni]

Good Morning!!!

K

[AliSuddenly]

Sounds to me, rightly or wrongly that he believes he ISNT scarred by the whole deployment thing. Is he being defensive to you or trying to tell you he thinks you should stop thinking he is scarred, or is he in denial??

(9:00:04 PM) H: some can walk away
(9:00:11 PM) H: some are scarred
(9:00:27 PM) H: some need more excitement in life
(9:10:02 PM) H: you dont get scarred unless you happen to be particularly weak, most of us just grow the [censored] up

...so which is he then? Just a grown up now? Or one of the ones needing excitement? I'd say, looking at his recent behaviour, hes most definetly NOT a grownup! Hes not behaving very adultly, he's just burying his head in the sand.

I guess you could have asked him, which are you then? Or do you want to talk about this some more ? Or something? Seems like he was opening up to you here a bit.. ?

Hope you are ok today,
Ali xxx

[klm]

I hope you are doing ok Michelle.

(9:00:04 PM) H: some can walk away
(9:00:11 PM) H: some are scarred
(9:00:27 PM) H: some need more excitement in life
(9:10:02 PM) H: you dont get scarred unless you happen to be particularly weak, most of us just grow the [censored] up

Hmmm...I think we can rule out that he grew up. He IS scarred (I think they all are to some degree), I also think he needs more excitement in life. Unfortunately I think the excitement is a side effect. They get such an adrenaline rush while they are there and then come back to everyday life and can't handle it. The military should require counseling for all returning soldiers, the bad thing is I think they make them feel that they are weak if they feel they need counseling. At least that is the way my H felt about it. He went to an on base therapist and was basically told to suck it up...thus his disdain for counselors in general.

My H gets like that sometimes too, and like you I don't really know what to say. It is very frustrating.

Glad he told you about the tax money. Hopefully you won't have a hard time getting it from him.

[MichelleLT]

Hmmm...I think we can rule out that he grew up. He IS scarred (I think they all are to some degree), I also think he needs more excitement in life.

Yeah, I do think everyone is a bit scarred by war. But everyone has scars, whether mental or physical, just from being human and living. And that's not a bad thing - just normal. I don't think he got that by saying people get scarred I wasn't trying to offend/insult him, or imply he was damaged, because being scarred and being damaged are not the same thing.

But he got defensive I guess.

The point I was trying to make is that some people just realize how short life can be and it makes them appreciate what they have more. My dad defintely went that route.

H thinks he grew up. That he now knows what is important in life and has some great insight into his own mortality. I couldn't bring myself to agree with him because I can't see that. I mean, I know in my heart that some of his bluster comes from him seeing that he hasn't been coping as well as he'd like to, but I don't know how to deal with that over IM. *sighs*

I won't really be available until Friday or Saturday to take care of the taxes anyways between work and my wonderful class. So, I'm not in a terrible rush over that. Other than making sure he doesn't spend it.

This week at work is gonna be so quiet. The statewide conference starts tomorrow, so most people are traveling today. I don't get to go because I have a local one-day conference tomorrow. Not to mention summer school.