For those of you who hate your kids spending time with OW I have empathy as I too hate those times. I especially hate that at the moment my S15 is living under the same roof as her. However, let me share with you the opposite side of the coin.
When my H left I thought I was doing the right thing by my children by letting them choose whether they wanted to spend time with my H. They were after all old enough to make that choice. At the time it felt good that they didn't want to spend time with their dad and even better when they told him they wanted to see him but not OW. I felt vindicated. What I hadn't realised at the time was how much more difficult it would make things for me. Not only has it destroyed even further the R between me and H but I also get very little me time. I have to rely on my parents to babysit if I want to do anything for myself. they live 90 miles away and as my dad will be 70 next bday it's not an easy trip for them to make so I don't ask very often.
Originally this happened b/c H held me to ransom and said he would only have the kids if they went to his flat. They refused and he refused to come here. So to show I wouldn't be beaten I asked my parents. I did ask MIL once (and never will again) but that was the weekend my children found out H and OW had been engaged for 3 months and he hadn't told any of us. The fact that it was our wedding anniversary that very same day didn't help. MILs only response to my VERY distressed children was 'it's only a ring'.
Anyway I digress. Now there is no pattern to when my kids see thier dad. Sometimes it can be weeks in between him seeing them (especially in the case of D12) so I get no regular respite from parenting. Don't get me wrong I love my kids more than anything else on the planet but I do still need ME time. My kids have made it quite clear that don't really want to go on holiday as a 'family' again and yet they won't spend time with H so that I can go away by myself.
This is just one big juggling act and I know how hard it is for all of us but all I am trying to say is that at least if your WASs are prepared to have the kids on a regular basis that you can at least plan your own life a little more in advance.
This wasn't my most eloquent post so I hope you get my drift!
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
