Am I right in thinking that it is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy you have been having with your IC?
I have found it amazing - but wanted to add that I started on therapy several times and it was only when I hit rock bottom and new I really needed it that it helped. CBT was definately the wat to go fot me though - these C's that just keep on dragging up the past IMO can hinder things more than help sometimes.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
yep, that is it saffie. amazing, isn't it? I can't say enough about it. I am in such a different place right now than I ever have been in my life and regardless of what happens with h and I, I am so grateful for all that I have learned. it has changed me in how I relate to pretty much everyone in my life...including myself.
just wish my therapist could also be h's. I know she can't, but I recommend her to everyone I know who is going thru a tough time. so hopefully we'll find another one who is someone h can relate to. that's my dream...that he finds someone and can deal with his sh#t with. but yeah, I know he'll have to be motivated in order to be successful.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
h and I went out on a date last night. for me last night was all about seeing if we could still have fun with each other, so that was my goal. we went into boston and had far too many drinks (stayed in town) and a really good dinner and yes, had fun. but it ended up being a far more informative evening than I anticipated.
yep, h found DB. back in january (was that it, h?). thru some rather impressive snooping he found me...probably wasn't all that hard to do considering my siggy. even though the name is fictional, the rest of the info isn't, ya know?
told me he spent 2 weeks reading every post I had on here.
and that is part of the reason for the original fishing emails to me back then...its part of why he started looking at things differently, reading what I wrote, seeing my changes in writing over the past several months, and it helped him look at his own life and R differently.
a lot was talked about...good talk, actually. but still spinning a bit from it. not to mention, painfully hungover. I will never drink again. ever. waaaaayyyyy too much imbibed over the course of the evening.
just wanted to give a quick update. feel free to continue to post, I probably still will.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Nice to hear that reading the unadorned truth would change someone for the better. You've got to give him credit for that. In the past I've heard of WASs who found this site and had bad reactions to what they read. That takes a level of maturity.
one of the most interesting things for me that I have been reflecting on since finding out he found the boards is this. I've never been very good at letting my needs be known...a lot of them I just keep to myself. definitely something I'm working on. but what has been nice to realize is that when h did read about needs I had (like last month when talked about how I didn't feel appreciated) he immediately responded to that need. That says something to me.
its been weird knowing he has read some really personal stuff...really personal. I haven't held back much here, and definitely my cards have been laid out on the table pretty clearly for him. At the same time, because of his reading it, we have had some really good conversations this weekend...its opened the door a lot.
from what he's told me, it wasn't just what I was writing that influenced him, btw. A lot of it was also people's responses to me too. Same as I see things in a different way a lot of times when I read posts (to me or to others). that's what I like so much about message boards like this, I suppose...getting that different viewpoint.
we had a nice day out with the kids...took them to the beach and flew kites and played a bit then went out for seafood. a nice time. I'm still afraid of rushing things...patience is not my strong suit, and I'm working on that. but its starting to feel really right to me. scary, that. but nice, too. we'll see what the future brings. we have some definite steps left to take before I am comfortable in saying that we are piecing....but I feel like we are headed that way.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I'm really happy for you Sally. And the kids too. I hope he has really come all the way out of the fog, and doesn't do that ever elusive "I can't make up my mind" dance.
