Separated 5 years.

[Rusty]

Hi MP53 - I just started reading your posts - I particuarly noticed when you said separated 5 years! I have been separated 2.5 years. I have the same questions as you - should I file, is it too late, should I date or not. Your posts about your H saying he will always care for you but doesn't love you the way you want, are almost the exact words out of my H's mouth. He supports me totally financially - I lost my job in Aug07, basically because I was too depressed to function. I appreciate the responses you are getting - it is helpful to me also. I'm thinking that maybe if I file, it will get his attention, but I really don't want a D!! So what do you do?
I have tried dating but it was so uncomfortable I hated it. And trying to think about having sex with someone else after 25 years of M (together 28) just about makes me sick. My H and I have had sex throughout our S, but haven't for about 10 months other than one time a few weeks ago, which was at my insistance. Talk about backsliding on the DBing!!
I think everyone is really an individual in what they feel is right for them. I agree wholeheartedly with the comment that marriage is a lifelong commitment - I feel exactly the same. I went through times when I didn't think I loved my S and I actually did have an EA, but I realized that I made a commitment to my H, the father of my children and I MADE THE CHOICE (exactly like you said) to fall back in love with the man I married. I get upset when I think about the fact that he wouldn't do the same for me!
I think you need to decide for you what is best - but I agree that I would not sit down for a heart-to-heart. Where would that get you but more of the same. I think GAL is the best way and it sounds like you have done alot of that, so maybe dating and filing some papers may be the next step.
I, like you, think I am holding on to an idealized notion of who or what my H is and he is not that person anymore. How very sad.
Keep posting - I'm watching what everyone says to you too - your story is so similar to me!