Your h "reeks" of depression. Picking up extra shifts to keep his mind off of things is a sign of depression. It's another way to self medicate. He wears a mask whenever he's around your daughter because he doesn't want her to see him in the dumps. Masks tend to exhaust them after a time and they can't stay around too long or the mask will begin to slip.
Your h is paralyzed in his depression. He can't decide to go forward or backward, therefore, he's stuck. BTW, did you read any of the depression books or look up the symptoms of depression? The reference tools on the net, etc., are excellent in describing how depression affects people. Depression isn't always played out the same w/each individual.
You have to go on w/your life as if he were never coming back. The sooner you do this, the better you will be mentally, emotionally and physically. Yes, it hurts and is mind boggling, but there's nothing you can do to help him. You can only save yourself and be the best parent you can be for your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
