Yes Brave.... you are right. One can always find something to be grateful for and I am. It is a funny thing... being honest about one's own pain and avoiding self-pity. Delicate balance.
Gratitude, I believe, helps us stay balanced. I have learned to be honest about my pain, talk about it, ask questions about it, feel it, accept it, then let it pass.
Self-pity would involve too much talk , too much writing, not enough acceptance, little to no gratitude for what is going right, and finally... hanging onto the problem and reliving it over and over.
To me, it is an important distinction. I have seen a lot of people go one way and get caught in self-pity. And others go the other way and deny their pain and never effectively deal with it. Usually referred to as stuffing it.
A counselor I see teaches that in order to let something go, one has to first embrace it. Meaning that if one cannot admit that the situation hurt (for whatever reason right/wrong, good/bad), they have little to no chance of releasing it.
So ya.... I am grateful to have another parent for my kids as well as a new spouse who helps me with working with my ex. At same time, I am honest about what does hurt. That way, I find I have an effective way through the pain manturely and effectively.
