Real life...part 3

[Starshyne]

I want to make it clear that I have taken care of myself financially. I have been quiet about it, but I we both now have seperate checking and savings accounts and I have done some other things that I don't want to get into to help myself financially. I am not hurting at all and I have made it so that H cannot hurt me financially. The only things I am paying for are the things that have my name on them...the car he drives and the car insurance. Obviously I am still paying for the house and utilities as well.

I looked into legal seperation and it is very difficult to obtain in Illinois (which is where I live, but a few miles outside of St. Louis, MO). You have to be seperated for years before it is awarded to you. That would ideally be what I want right now, but is not a choice.

What I don't want is to regret getting a divorce. If there is ANY chance at reconciliation (which a small part of me is hanging onto), then I would regret divorce. I honestly don't know WHAT I am comfortable with right now. I am okay with the way things are right now, but I know that won't last forever. He is still sleeping here when the whim hits him, and I leave when that occurs. He has actually been very good about informing me if he isn't planning on sleeping at the house so that I can have it. But I haven't heard from him at all one way or another today so I am a bit annoyed.

I know that I can forgive him for the adultry. I know that I can forgive and even start to trust in time. I just don't think I am getting the chance to show that I can do that.