Going Nowhere

[KPK]

Hi Mishka,

Thanks for the words of support, as always. As for hobbies that involve meeting people but don't take money- what about a book club? If not at a local bookstore, maybe a library, so you can borrow the books instead of buying? Around here I've seen both reading groups and writing groups advertised for free, if those types of things interest you. What about walking or running "clubs"? Also, have you looked at Parents without Partners? I know they are national, and they have many different events, both for parents and children, and for just parents alone. I've looked at their website, but haven't joined.

[KPK]

Hi all. Haven't posted in quite a while, just busy trying to keep my head above water. Couldn't get my previous link in, but story is same as most here- ILYBNILWY July 07, not attracted to you, it's all your fault, probable OW, H moved out 3/15/08. You know the story. Sees the kids (and therefore me) all the time, and is a good father, but no movement on me. I've DB'd my butt off, feel good about myself (unless he's yelling at me for something irrational), but I feel like giving up on the M at this point. Communication with my H has become very difficult- he's always angry with me, I can never do anything right, and apparently now am a bad mother too. I think my S4 is starting to have real issues with the situation- he's become alternately very clingy and needy, then angry and aggressive. He tells me he's sad and angry that daddy is gone. H says that it's my fault- I'm passing those emotions on to him. But i'm really, really not! I'm very careful to be composed for S4 and D7. While dropping the kids at H's house tonight I asked H if he'd be willing to see a counselor who deals with families going through this sort of crisis, to a) see if the kids are handling this ok and what we might do better, and b) to work on our "communication" issues so there's less anger and misunderstanding (and yelling at me). Basically co-parenting counseling. I made it very clear this is not marriage counseling (he's adamantly opposed). He said he'd consider it as long as none of the discussions touched on our marriage or marital problems because he has no interest in working on them; he likes me as a person, but has no romantic or sexual feelings for me (the usual). I said fine, he then said I looked "troubled." I said not "troubled", just still having a hard time letting go of things, and of hope; he said he understood. Then I left. I'm just so tired and depressed; I needed to vent a bit. Holding on to hope is hard, and I think mine is starting to slip away. Thanks.

[mishka422]

Kelly,

I'm so sorry things have not progressed. It sounds like you are holding yourself together pretty well. When it comes down to it, all that is important right now is making sure your babies are ok. Since he is willing to see a family counselor then get an appointment ASAP. Don't push it to the back burner.

Yes, some of your M stuff will inevitably come up in counseling because it is important for the counselor to understand the dynamic in order to help you parent your kids. That being said, you don't need to tell him that. Let the counselor tell him. That is their area of expertise.

Only you will know when you are done fighting for your M. You can't stand forever without any movement from him, or should I say you shouldn't. You need to live for you. LIVE FOR YOU! Not for your kids, not for the possibility of your M, not for your hopes and dreams of your family.....FOR YOU!

I know, that sounds selfish, doesn't it? It's not. It's self-preservation.

What have you been doing for you?