W is now out

[upside_downer]

I have several questions:

1. When she chose to leave you behind on vacation, are there extenuating circumstances, were you arguing about where or when to go...or were you available on those dates and she just really chose to not go with you?

We weren't arguing over where or when. The company we work for is very flexible for time off. She chose not to go with me because she said she needed time and space to relax. She told me she knew that when she came back, we'd fight about it because she knew I was against her going on the trip.

2. Did you agree to her requests last night and today to sleep with her and take a shower with her?

I went to a friends party last night, so I came home around 2:30 AM and slept on the couch. She actually didn't ask me to shower with her. Her intent telling me to go shower was because it was hard on her to leave with me sitting there. Does that make sense?

3. Perhaps you find times to talk to her when she is busy because you crave her attention whenever you can't get it. Did you read my long post earlier about the "Bottomless Pit"?

I think this is true, but not completely. I did read the "bottomless pit" post and felt I fit the description somewhat. I've always been the kind of person who just hates when I am stuck having someone else "run the show." I sound a little like a control freak, and in some ways that is true as well, but not wholly. I see the issue with this as she is super independent. I've struggled being able to know when she just wants me to leave her alone or when she is actually busy. This is why I choose bad times to talk to her. Every time seems like a bad time. She actually told me:

"I was free all day yesterday and you waited until I was just coming out of the shower and hit me with this conversation out of nowhere today"

She moved yesterday. Yesterday was the "big move day" that had been building all week. She couldn't sleep, was super stressed, etc. So I tried to be supportive by giving her space all day and not making a fuss or getting in the way at all. The movers came at 8 AM and I was already out the door just to avoid being around.

4. Your inquiry about if she wanted to move out a month ago...I guess it's the same as saying I'm afraid you may leave me; do you want to?

I agree here, too. That was a bad move on my part because I was upset and just wanted to say "what are you thinking? Pick one: Divorce, separation, eternal happiness? One thing my C told me when we were going together was that I need to be more accepting of an answer being less "solid" sometimes. By this, she meant I have to learn to accept, say, a "maybe" instead of a "yes" or "no" That has been hard. I don't like uncertainty in pretty much anything - I just don't see the point!

Tink - I appreciate your questions and thoughts. They help me sort out things in my head a little. I urge anyone reading this to throw their two cents in at any time, please!!!!!




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