Torn between hope and anger

[lise]

We signed the property title over to my name. He gave me all our savings (enough to live on and fix up the house) and a promise to start providing child support in January. Everything is notarized and filed... And then he called the OW and ended their relationship... He wants to come home!?!?!?!?

What am I to do? Is this for real? He is saying all the right things, apologizing constantly, admitting what he has to change in himself to be who he wants to be... But can he do it? Do I need to wait until I see some results and not just words? I am so confused... I'm getting what I thought I wanted but why don't I feel better about it?!?!?

[mishka422]

Lise,

Be very careful with your emotions right now. He has done this to you before and is not to be trusted.....yet.

I hate to say it, but he is not through this at all. He needs to work on himself, by himself, before he will be ready to work on your R.

I know you're scared of a future without him in it, but do you really want a future of doubts and constant questions or one of honesty, giving, and love?

I'm sure I sound harsh. I don't mean to be. I just want to point on the rather harsh reality to you since I know your emotions are reeling right now and overriding your head.

Take it from me, my H has left me three times in 3 months! It's very painful and gets worse each time.

I will pray for you and your H. Don't let your heart lead you and think what will happen to your sons if he moves in and out again.

(((((Lise)))))

[lise]

So, do I not let him stay at home? I am not sure where he would go. Can he be here and me just stay lovingly distant? He's back because the few times I've seen him in the last 2 months I have been strong and loving and self confident... I know I can't keep that up 24/7. I've told him that.

He is so positive he is "cured," "has woken up," "has seen the light."... He says his knots are gone, he's happy but he also knows he has a lot of work to do. He made an appointment for counseling for himself and another one for us as a couple. He has reached out to friends that he was afraid to face before...

It feels real, but I am scared and I know I should be. I know this is uncertain territory. I just don't know exactly how to react to it. Any specific advice would be appreciated.

[lise]

How do we deal with the money and car that OW gave to H? I feel it is toxic and want to return every penny even though he spent some of it. I refuse to drive or ride in the car. These people (OW and her mother) were trying to buy my H. It is disgusting. OW had been setting aside $100 every month for the 25 months he hadn't contacted her. She had incorporated a business with him in mind. She had actually driven to our farm (10 hours away) with her mother and left a garden clippers in our mailbox, which we had always wondered about. She basically told him to buy me off, saying she would set me up forever financially so he would feel less guilty about leaving me.

It makes me shudder to think of the mindset that she and her mother have to feel justified in their actions. And it makes me sad that my H fell for it and played his own justification games. He is back to his senses supposedly, but how do we deal with the cash and car that is still left? He says he is completely detached, that we should give away the leftover money and just treat the car like a car. I don't like his attitude. It feels dangerous.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Me?

I'd sell the car. It represents an inappropriate gift.
Donate the money get a nice tax write off.

But that is just me.