I have known you throughout all of this. What I have observed from my situation is that once I did as Homer recommends, COMPLETELY give up. Things started to drastically change for the better. I gave up everything. I stopped calling her, I stopped speaking to her, I always wore dark sunglasses so that she could not read my eyes, I went out and bought a new house (sign of totally moving on), I stopped accepting all of the blame for our failed marriage and when I am around her, I am always on the phone smiling and laughing.
Our D is not finalized, but I hold all of the chips. I have all of the control and she now respects me. I am not a jerk or anything, I just tell her how it is. I find it ironic now that D4 makes comments to me saying that 'mommy told me that she misses you', 'mommy said that she loves you', etc. I use to get my hopes up when I heard these comments. I now don't even react of think twice about these comments.
My point, is to be successful, you will need to show her what she is missing out on. You and I know, there are tons of jerks out there. My ex is now seeing that. She knows that I am living happily. The only thing that I am missing is seeing my daughter every day. Every other day is not that bad.
Let's chat on the phone.
OneWish's Story
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
Well, I don't have much choice in the matter. She doesn't speak to me at all. OM's call, I'm sure, was on his own. You know men... I'm just trying to heal and grow. And get full time work...
David
The fires of true love can never be quenched, because the source of its flame is God Himself! - Shulamith
The best thing to do is to allow this wound to heal for the two of you. I read in a book that as long as you are trying to fight to save the marriage, you are not allowing her to see the wrong things that she has done. Homer would call this being masochistic. Now that I am at a point where I can think rationally and not emotionally, Homer's points make good sense.
Your wife knows that you love her. My wife knows that I love her. Typically, what happens when things go south, men start to call their wives all type of dirty names and they unleash a lot of fury. We both are in control of our emotions and KNOW that is not going to do anything positive. Just be David. Be a gentleman and if that door opens, kick it down. It doesn't sound like what she is doing is going to be long lasting. Keep being a positive, upbeat man and allow the Lord to guide you.
Isn't there a lot of work in Arizona?
OneWish's Story
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
I don't know about work in Arizona. I couldn't find anything decent before.
I don't know what to do. If I listen to Ed Wheat, he says true love pursues the beloved. Homer says let go. Homer is not religious. So on this matter there are two schools of thought. I tried something different because what I was doing wasn't working, I'm out of things to do. Let her enjoy her 'friend.' She obviously wants nothing to do with me.
David
The fires of true love can never be quenched, because the source of its flame is God Himself! - Shulamith
I think when a marriage is damaged/ended, the part of us that we gave to the other person doesn't come back to us..so there's that empty space in our heart. Part of us is missing, and we have to figure out how we want/can fill that void.
Some of us fill it by growing in faith/spirit. Some of us will go on to new relationships in hopes that the void will be filled by a new and healthier relationship.
Either way...losing a part of ourselves to someone else, means that it will take some time for us to rediscover who we are, as individuals, w/o that person being in our lives.
Maybe they will be again, but right now is a painful growing experience for us..but in the end, will probably be an experience we will learn much from..as we learn more about our own strengths and weaknesses.
You handled yourself SO well with the OM. You ARE showing the strength you've found through all of this...and I believe it completed flustered and frustrated him that he couldn't get to you. And how nice to know that she keeps everything from you.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
