W is now out

[upside_downer]

OK first of all "normal people" don't choose to take a vacation excluding their husband. Unless there are other details I don't know about (your/her time off from work availability, etc), there is something very wrong here.

"Now that I look at this technique of "going dark," I'm obviously concerned with this sort of reaction backfiring on me."

It did not backfire on you. She came home upset because she could get a hold of you. This is a productive reaction. In a sense, she was the pursuer now, not you.

I think what happened was you get anxious when she gets angry at you and so you are afraid of her leaving you, so her upset, upset you. But in truth, your going dark worked.

Tink

The W has referred back to this a few times, and I know it bothers her. Is there ever a time when doing this is bad, though?

My W tends to focus on the "normal" factor. We just had a bad conversation about 20 minutes ago. I slipped real bad because I am super stressed and have nothing to do today (big mistake not making plans). We discussed many things, but one thing she made a big point about was that I never choose the right time to talk to her - it's always when she is busy busy! Well, she said "I know you didn't feel well this morning and I offered to pick up some food, I was even willing to lay with you, and now we are talking about this stuff again and it's while I'm just out of the shower. It's always been like this. You try to talk to me about this stuff at work, when I'm in the middle of something. We'll be in the middle of a normal conversation and you bring up something in some weird way instead of just saying what you are thinking."

She was referring to my inquiry about if she wanted to move out about a month ago. She had a problem with it because she felt like I was suggesting it (which I was not). I asked her because I wanted to see where she was at in her head. I suppose that was the wrong way to say it, and maybe I should have just asked her a direct question?

I'm torn about something else, too. Before she left today, she asked me to go up and take a shower or something so she could leave because it was just weird to leave like that. I admitted I would miss her and she said she'd miss me too. I tend to read into things, so I was wondering if this is a case where she feels these things because it is the situation right now, and that once she settles in, she won't have these feelings anymore.

Yikes. This stuff is so hard! I'm going to order the book now