Searching for the truth..for me 5

[phbear316]

Hi SG

I'm ok, doing a lot of soul searching the past few days. Putting things in place in my heart, letting go of lots of things.

I went thru my phone and deleted all texts from, h, like i'm going out, don't wait for me, etc why i was hanging on to them i don't know. Its time to let them go. So that is done.

I did something so stupid this am , h left his phone out in the open on the table, and of course it got the better of me and i read text messages from her to him, and vice versa. They were on the grounds of i loved making love to you, i want you in my life forever, my kids love you so much, i yada, yada, yada.....ugh!

I swear the next time i get the urge to look at his phone i have to not once not twice but kick myself in the butt three times. Kinda has me feeling a little blue today. But i am not letting it get to me.

I was talking to someone on friday, a new friend, he did not make the connection of who i was to who h is. Anyway long story short, he says oh yea, when i spoke to him back in november he said he was separated, divorcing his wife to be with another woman. So how is that for a punch in the stomach.

Again not going to let it get me down. I just finished planting some plants, got my new zero gravity chair, a nice big bottle of water the sunday paper and my ipod, I am gonna love life.

The handwriting is on the wall, i see it, I know the grip i must come to with it, but it is happening and i cannot stop this. He claims to love her. they want to be a big happy family. My pain needs to end,

I have a deadline set for myself for when i am going to call a lawyer, its will definately be before then.

enjoy the weather everyone
hugs
bear