I win, yes, maybe, but somebody loses. I get what you're saying about being unavailable to my husband makes me more desirable, I truly understand that.
Just not sure about using someone. But of course, I could end up liking the new guy better anyway.
Hi,
Sorry I wasn't more clear.
I don't think you should use someone either. I think you should value a people who value you. By holding on to someone who doesn't value you, you betray yourself and your own self-value.
I am suggesting that let go of H and date someone you like and see where it leads. If it turns out H suddenly values you and realizes what a fool he has been, you win.
It doesn't mean that you leave that person and run to H. You will then need to decide if you want to continue seeing this new man (perhaps you just started dating) or if you want to date both of them and not make a decision until you see where things lead with both.
(After all, H could turn around after you left the new date for him and leave again if it was just jealousy. You would have to be sure he was totally committed. And perhaps you would wind up liking and trusting the new man better.)
If it turns out he still needs to go his own way and date women other than you, but you move on and find someone who appreciates you--and you cherish them for it--then you win.
However, I think we are getting ahead of ourselves here, and I believe the excuse that you would not date someone new in case H came back is just a wall to prevent you from letting go of him.
But perhaps if you did you would meet the real man of your dreams, whether if turns out to be H redeemed and transformed, or someone else.
But right now, as you have devoted these 5 years of your Life to being loyal to a husband and marriage that no longer exists, you are being disloyal to yourself.
Five years is a long time. There are women I've met who spent the rest of their lives never getting back into a relationship or having sex or remarrying, for a man who left them long ago.
Don't be one of these. Live your life. Love again, with or without him.
Love someone worthy of your love. That is being loyal to yourself.
