You have a wonderful chance of gaining what you need to move forward in life.
I have always thought that something was very wrong with what happened at your first court meeting. Perhaps this is your devine intervention?
Now is the time for you to adhere to following the temporary guidlines to the fullest! No more switching days with him even if it means you cannot see the boys on a special day for you. No more back n forthing with him on anything!!
DO not ask him for the check anymore, yes I know thats a hard one as you 3 need to eat, but don't ask. He knows the date it should be deposited. Let him be late.
No more talking to him even if he's being nice.
Nothing!
Let him begin to wonder whats going on.
You'll find the way to make this all happen and it will be the way you need to. However it turns out.
Just please leave that man alone!
HUGS!!
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
Mrs. H, Angelica and Jeanette have posted some very good information and support to you. When you finally do find a new lawyer, sit down w/this person, go over exactly what you are striving for and stick to it. No more waffling over dates, visitation, etc. One thing that I will point out--each and every time you contact your lawyer, the meter starts to run. This is where your funding is getting eaten up. Learn to trust your instincts and go w/them. Once you learn what you can and can not do, you will need to set those boundaries and adhere to them. You should not have to ring up your lawyer over minor things. Instead, document and keep that documentation in safe place.
You've been given another chance w/a new lawyer, try to do things just a little bit differently and maybe this will help you. I know you miss your family unit, but it's got to be just you and the boys for now and you have to find a way to let this man go. He's out there searching for God knows what, but he's not a happy camper and w/that comes, the bullying tactics, the meanness and everything else that goes w/it. The only way to make things better for yourself is to take the bull by the horns is to just walk away when he starts the baiting. It's hard because you want to justify why and what you are doing, but Mrs. H, you really do not need to justify and/or defend your position w/him any longer. Deep down, he knows that what he's doing isn't right, but he's not man enough to admit that what he's doing is wrong, so in order to justify his leaving and staying gone, he has to paint you as the culprit in all of this. Prove him wrong, make him think and wonder what is going on w/you. This can only be done if you bite your tongue and walk away.
It's a shame we don't live closer, I would most certainly give you a huge hug today. You've had a lot tossed at you this week and I know you are feeling very, very down, but look at it this way, you found out why things were the way they were w/the judge, and now, you've got the opportunity to strenthen your case.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
have been at this a long time, like you, and like you I miss my old life, but what if you h hadn't had an affair, and just stayed at home being a self obsessed idiot, controlling you and being mean. The OW is not causing this, as you know. She is a symptom. If he was truly in love he would be happy and fulfilled, and trying to make life as easy for you as possible. His guilt, shame and unahppiness are drivig this horrible behaviour.
This is so true, Mrs .
I agree with Jeanette. DO NOT ask him for the check. If you do he will not give it to you.
My H is late every month. He uses it as control. If I ask, he will not give it to me. If I don't he will.
You need to take your control back.
Your life is not over. You can make yourself stronger and happier. We have all been there. It is your mind. You are giving them the control.
Your H knows what he is doing. Remember how good you felt when you were in control of your life. Take it back!!! you are a strong woman.
Angelica, so nice of you to stop by. We all missed you around here. Thank you for your advice too, as soon as I have some spending money I will go to the bookstore and check out that book you recommended.
Jeanette,
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I have always thought that something was very wrong with what happened at your first court meeting. Perhaps this is your devine intervention?
I will not ask him for the check this month but I guess I will have to hit my parents up for money. I have 2 weeks until he has to give it to me and not much money left.
It's not that I am not budgeting well, it's just that everything is so damn expensive! Plus I have to pay for S4's nursery school and pay off a credit card that I have too.
She was surprised that my current L didn't put visitation into writing, so hopefully if I sign her on, she will get that done.
Maybe, but right now I don't feel that way. This lawyer I saw the other day is supposedly the top divorce L in the county I live in, but yet I didn't walk out of her office feeling really confident. Probably less confident.
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No more talking to him even if he's being nice.
Yeah, I don't really care to talk to him either. When we exchanged the boys the other day at the park I didn't speak to him. I don't know if that is DBusting or not but talking to him wasn't getting me anywhere either.
Snodderly, a lot of the money spent on lawyers got built up with my first one who basically did nothing for me. The second/current L didn't charge me for phone calls or making copies of paper or anything like that. She just charged for actual times she worked on my case. But given the fact that we went for so money preliminary hearings before the judge I am sure that is where a lot of the money was spent.
And regarding the documentation, my current L never cared to see it. Thankfully the L I interviewed said it was good I documented all along because it would come in handy.
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you've got the opportunity to strenthen your case.
I sure hope so. I am hoping a new L will be able to get this judge to see me in a different light. However, this new L said that once a judge forms an opinion, it's very hard to get her to change it.
Snodderly, I am glad you stopped by. I was worried about you.
Kiki,
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Remember how good you felt when you were in control of your life. Take it back!!!
Yes I did. But that also had to do with the fact that my L was building me up to believe I was going to get what I want. Now this new L is saying that is not so.
Thanks everyone for stopping by. I am feeling a little better today.
MrsH, I am sorry you are having such a crappy weekend. I know you feel overwhelmed and underconfident about what is going on with your D. I like the fact that this L is honest with you about what you may or may not get.
No judge is going to leave you and your sons homeless or destitute. I still think in the end you are going to be allowed to move, it just might be a fight to get there.
It is time to stop bending for JA. Don't tell him why he can't take the kids, just say no, your day is such and such...if he berates you and says you are only doing it to be a bitxh, just hang up...do not defend yourself.
It seems like the minute you start to defend yourself, JA gets his way. That needs to stop now.
You will be ok both emotionally and financially in the end. You need to trust in that.
awwwwhhhh ((((((((mrs H)))))))) wish there was smething i could do you!!!!
I hope and pray this L can help you Give her all your documentation and your expectations for the D and weeks leading up to it. Let her know how he has tromped all over you....explain how he can better afford the lifestyle you and your children were accustomed too by letting you move....that moving with your family as you support team you can go back to school to earn a good living.....write your self a list to take to that first meeting.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
