W is now out

[upside_downer]

Hi Tink and Jen. Thanks for the posts. I wanted to bring up a situation that we went through only a couple of weeks ago, beforeI even knew of this site or techniques:

I had tried since Nov. to get W to go on vacation with me. I felt we needed it because we were both stressed about the R, and work, and the cold weather. W never really committed to the idea, always had sort of an excuse to not go. After trying a couple times, she finally came to the decision to go on her own vacation with her best friend (her cousin). I was hurt because it was my idea to go on vaca in the first place (and I let her know it). What I was more upset with was that her cousin could only stay Thursday-Monday. W was planning on staying in Fla. until Thursday (by herself).

Obviously, that didn't sit well with me. I decided that if she was going to call me, I would not answer because I felt jaded about her going on the vacation, and I thought that since she chose to go without me, there was no reason for her to call me while on vacation.

That plan totally backfired. She called me daily (the first couple times just to give me a status of where she was since they got delayed on the way there). She left messages and asked me to return her call on a couple of them. I finally texted her on that Sunday/Monday to say "Enjoy your vacation, I'm fine" She tried to call one more time and left a message asking me to "call back when I had a chance" to which I did not respond.

When she returned home, she was upset with me because "I couldn't even talk to her on the phone, when all she wanted to do was have a conversation with her H like normal people do"

Now that I look at this technique of "going dark," I'm obviously concerned with this sort of reaction backfiring on me.

Thoughts?