Mark- as usual, you are right. Please continue to remind me. I need to hear it over and over. This OM is NOT a good person, and my H is the most caring and understanding man ever. I have to remind myself that it is fantasy. This is so hard because the feelings are real. Please just keep reminding me. I know you must be getting frustrated hearing me continue to say these things.
I am not even suggesting the OM is a monster, but simply that he is not demonstrating the maturity that a female should look for in a spouse. Particularly because you have a child to look out for, its important that the viable mate you select demonstrate maturity for a long term relationship.
The OM encouraging you to have an affair, sneaking around with you in private, lying to your husband, possibly phoning your home and hanging up...compare all this to your husband's maturity right now...who fares better as a viable mate for you and your son?
The OM MAY grow to be the mate someone needs...SOME DAY, but right now he's not even close. And your husband is already there, and he's the natural father of your son...your husband will protect your child with more earnest than the OM would, it a biological necessity for him. Just look for a viable mate who is demonstrating the maturity to survive a long term relationship. The OM was/maybe still is trashing a private home at a delicate time.
Originally Posted By: whatdidido
I have to admit that I thought at a couple of moments how everything would be so much more fun being with the OM. But, then the more I thought about it, I started thinking of some of the bad things OM would have done, too. This is new, and good. So, I didn't totally romanticize how it would have been like I normally would have. I guess that is some kind of progress.
Yes this is exactly what you will start to see more of if you keep the effort up. It will be a gradual shift, you have to just keep going. Gradually the wall to the OM will come up even more, and the window to your husband will open wider for you. It took a long time to move your husband OUT of your romantic thoughts and the OM IN..it will take time to shift things back again to their rightful place.
Originally Posted By: whatdidido
I have to remind myself that "family time" with H would be wayyyyyyy better than "family time" with OM. He would NOT have fit in with my family like my H does. NOrmally I would try not to compare, but since the OM does not fair well in this comparison, I will.
If this thought brings you further from OM and closer to your husband then its a healthy activity. Keep it up, you are doing great.
