The decision is made

[Smurf_SMR]

Glad you are feeling better today, sorry you have these ups and downs, we all do.

I need to stop analyisng every last second of my life.

and when you do it is like a new dawn breaking, honestly it will come.

I am me and I have to accept that.

Yes a wonderful you. This may sound conceited, but I adopted a "je suis un dieu" attitude, and it really does work.

I also have to accept that if others don't like me/want me that's their problem not mine.

Exactly, and it will happen, whether it is with your spouse, offspring, and any other. I am no oil painting, but life is great at the moment, and it does become worthwhile living again.

I have 4 different rendezvous this week, and now a double booking, blast I shall have to dish out cloakroom tickets to keep track.

Ali, I mourn for my marriage every day, there is a moment that goes by that I think "what if...". But life is for living...a big wide world out there...everything is possible. This last week, I went to one of our factories in France, I had an office...you look out the window...and there is the eiffel tower.

I go to work, everyday I pass the Jet d'eau, I think "Craig Sterling, one of the champions..." ...Yes I am, and you are Sharon Macready.

You should hear my other fantasies...well perhaps not!

[ACJ]

Thanks Simon.

My insecurity about being liked is a deep seated one and pre-dates my M. I had hearing problems as a very young child and I think that might be when it started. Add in to that an epileptic adolescence and it's not hard for anyone to see how I got myself into this way of feeling about myself.

I have to remind myself that I have made great strides in this though.

Six months after H left me I went on a weekend break with a bunch of people I'd never met in my life only to find out when I got there that it was a singles weekend! I survived and actually had a really great time despite making it VERY obvious that I wasn't there for the dating.

Ten months after I joined the activity club that I still belong to and I have met some lovely people and made one or two close friends.

In fact two of those people have been here this afternoon. One is probably my closest friend right now and I invited her to join me and children (including S15) for lunch. Then another woman who as it turns out lives just round the corner from me joined us for coffee later. We've had a really pleasant afternoon.

So I can make friends. My problem in the past has always been keeping them but thanks to DB and a few other motivational books I think I am learning how to do that too.

Today is a much better day.