How am I NOT taking a stand with him? As long as he is with the OW, I out right refuse to be in the same house as him. If he comes in, I leave and sleep at my parents, because I refuse to be around him while he is having an affair. I haven't seen him in person since Tuesday when all of this happened. I have talked to a lawyer and have all what is needed on "stand-by." I just need to pay her the money to make it happen.
I am not answering all of his phone calls. I am making things as difficult for him as I legally can, and I am moving forward with my life.
I know that he is morally weak, but I also know that he is an ordained minister and knows better. If he would just get back on track with God, things would so totally be different.
I don't know if I fall for what he says 100%. I do believe that he still loves me. And I think the things he is saying is truly his heart. However, I am also trying my best to use my brain and not my heart and see that I am not seeing any actions with his words. I do agree though that the things he says messes with my brain and makes me have 2nd thoughts about going through with the divorce.
Sara,
I was basing that on this that you said:
Quote:
H is still messing with my mind. He called me today and told me that he can't see himself with the OW. He knows that their relationship isn't going to make it, but he is literally scared to end it with her. He thinks she is going to beat him up (and since I have now actually seen the woman...yeah...she is an amazon! She would cause him major harm). He is trying to wait for the right time to end it for her so that she doesn't hurt him physically. I tell you....this life is insane.
I actually feel like I talked to my "husband" on the phone. The man I married 5 years ago today. He was crying and telling me that he thinks something is mentally wrong with him and that he wants to get help for himself. He says that he just wants things in his life back to normal without all of the drama that she causes.
Yet....he is still with her. He sends me TMs saying that he loves me and that he is so sorry for everything he has done. But still he is with her.
You should not even entertain conversations like this with your husband. Yes, your WORDS to him are "You're not welcome here (physically or emotionally) so long as you are having an affair," but your ACTIONS -- your friendship, support (including financial) and willingness to be his shoulder to lean on -- all scream "I'm here for you, regardless."
That's the stand I think is holding him back from making the critical decisions he needs to make right now. Yes, you've scaled it way, way back, but an addict can learn to ratchet down their needs amazingly low in order to NOT have to give up their addiction(s). Until ALL support is withdrawn from him, I don't see him making the choice.
