Hope4us struggle, part 4

[Hope4us]

Thanks TAL. You are so right about GAL. Yesterday was a perfect example.

It's been a pretty cool spring here in NE Ohio. Yesterday was sunny and fairly warm so I decided to take in a little sun. Took DS16 to and from drivers ed, then sat on the deck enjoying the day. WW worked in the flower beds. About 2:00 I took DS to a friends birthday camp out and then went golfing by myself. When I got there the pro shop dude told me I'd have to pair up with someone because they didn't want a single playing on a Sat afternoon so I got hooked up with a husband/wife. We had a nice time. They were very friendly, we talked about our respective jobs, Disney World where they've gone to enjoy golf. I told them about our timeshares and the parks and we each agreed that I should try the golf there and they should try the parks there.

After golf I came home, showered and asked WW if she wanted to go out for dinner/drinks. She said she wasn't hungry, but not in a nasty way like she has in the past, so I told her fine, see ya.

I called a friend and met him at a restaurant that has an outdoor patio and we enjoyed a couple drinks and then when it started to cool down we went to my usual sports bar and continued the night there. Had a good time. I flirted with the one bartender. She had changed her hair and I noticed and told her it looked nice and she spent some time talking/flirting with us. And it felt good to have an attractive woman flirt with me. Don't worry, I'm not going there, but it just made me feel alive for the first time in a while. Made me feel better about myself knowing I was still interesting to a member of the opposite sex (the young drunk girl from last week doesn't count!).

GAL really does help. The problem (if it is a problem) is that it makes me want to make it work with WW less. And maybe that's ok. And maybe that's what will help her wake up, but if not, ok. And maybe even if she wakes up, I'll be the WAS. Getting to be more what I'm thinking everyday. Funny thing though, when I got home WW was pretty ok. She actually told me goodnight in a fairly warm voice when I went upstairs to watch the NHL playoffs.

Hope everyone is having a good Memorial Day weekend. Mine is pretty ok.