I am not trying to have "That" conversation with W I'm beyond that now, I know what I know, I even know more than I should know so I'm way, way, beyond needing to get everything out into the open. I don't talk about the past or anything like that but it's like I have to watch everything I do or say cos it W somhow turns it round to being me raking up the past. That is why I go WTF !! it's probably easiest for me to sit in silence and don't move then the past can't be brought up.
Let me give you example. We are talking about decorating the house together. W asks me when do I think we should start so I start suggesting days, well on these days shes either, having her hair done, having her nails done, out shopping with MIL, or going to a party with b/f. Ok I now know in woman speak that she wants me to do the decorating on my own and she checks in on me from the hair dressers or wherever she is but remember we've discussed this and we're doing things together. So when I suggest rather than go to the party we should be decorating, well that was it, W turns that round to me accusing her of not going to the party but going out of town (to meet OM) because she is the designated driver that night. WTF, I didn't even know she was gonna drive. Then she adds the party is not in the town where she met OM but if she wants to go there she can and I'm not gonna stop her. All I said was lets decorate rather than party and I get all her guilt laden troubles dropped on me from a great height. [ W T F in great big capital letters]. Her past is her past, I avoid it but she puts it in front of us and gets me to trip over it. And as I said be for I can't discuss it with her cos that would be me raking up the past.
Anyway we've got over that little spat but that's just one example of how I feel I get set up, trapped in to an argument.
Originally Posted By: Forrest Gump
I am a little concerned about you.
Why ?
Originally Posted By: Forrest Gump
Things are changing and the key point.. you guys being together.. you see eye to eye on.
We don't always see eye to eye but then again it wouldn't be a marriage if we agreed on everything.
Originally Posted By: Forrest Gump
You guys are not communicating effectively it one feels left out.
Exactly the point. But I can't say to W we are not communicating effectively cos that will have some reference to the past and she doesn't want to talk about the past, so in some respects we just move blindly forward. And yes I know full well what happens then.
So at the moment I'm not stuck in my own troubles looking for advice I just lettting you all know that it's [censored]hard work piecing this [censored]M back together. And it feels like I'm doing it on my own.
