Haven't read your whole post, have you read DR yet? If not, that may be something you can do that will keep your hopes up during those "how do I go on?" moments. I'm reading it right now and it's kept me (well the book and this website) from making rash decisions about calling him. About your phone screen. This may sound weird but have you thought about setting up the screen differently or taking his number off of it so his name doesn't shine up in your face each time you go through your list to call folks or your caller i.d.? It's a "little change" that may help you psychologically. Don't be a phone prisoner. I did it too (still do sometimes).
