Stay away from the letter writing, I agree. When you start respecting yourself you will see how he will fade into the background and what he feels about you or about himself even just will no longer matter to you.
There have been times when I could feel the ratcheting up of awareness/growth. I called them "clicks." More than just a mental thing, though--I could feel it in my gut, my chest.
I have been able to breathe in a new way the last 2 days.
Just let this be done. My husband is gone, and I am ready to reclaim my life.
The settlement is not all that I wanted but probably better than I would have gotten if we went to trial. He is still fighting on some of the language about overnights with my children in the same room--told the L to let that go if we have to, too. I'll protect my kids the best that I can, and get them whatever help they need to deal with the fallout from all of this mess. They have their own IC, who will give recommendations to both of us on how to handle things (he has allowed that language to stay in--that we would follow professional advice).
Let it all go, I told her. There is nothing left worth fighting about--I will not be drawn into squabbles over the surround system.
I wonder if he anticipates the anger. Or the indifference. I really don't care. That is all I have left at any given moment for him. At last, the right defense mechanism kicked in.
Can't wait to get away tomorrow am to LI to see my friend. Going to try to get out kayaking again, I hope. Also have the women's group meetup tonight--talking about Mary Magdalene. Things are good.
There have been times when I could feel the ratcheting up of awareness/growth. I called them "clicks." More than just a mental thing, though--I could feel it in my gut, my chest.
I have been able to breathe in a new way the last 2 days.
Just let this be done. My husband is gone, and I am ready to reclaim my life.
The settlement is not all that I wanted but probably better than I would have gotten if we went to trial. He is still fighting on some of the language about overnights with my children in the same room--told the L to let that go if we have to, too. I'll protect my kids the best that I can, and get them whatever help they need to deal with the fallout from all of this mess. They have their own IC, who will give recommendations to both of us on how to handle things (he has allowed that language to stay in--that we would follow professional advice).
Let it all go, I told her. There is nothing left worth fighting about--I will not be drawn into squabbles over the surround system.
I wonder if he anticipates the anger. Or the indifference. I really don't care. That is all I have left at any given moment for him. At last, the right defense mechanism kicked in.
Can't wait to get away tomorrow am to LI to see my friend. Going to try to get out kayaking again, I hope. Also have the women's group meetup tonight--talking about Mary Magdalene. Things are good.
OK, made it through the engagement party--we only stayed an hour, before h showed up. I really hated having to leave; just felt so wrong to be with the family and have to go like that. But I got dressed up very well, and got to give my well-wished to BIL and bride-to-be. They said they were very glad that we were able to go.
Got back to my friend's house, and we went out to mini-golf and go-carts. The kids and I had a blast!! Afterwards, off to a steak house for some burgers and back to her house. Getting the kids to bed now--hope all are having a great weekend
Kids and I had a good weekend--the weather couldn't have been more beautiful--but there are always those thoughts, like static on the radio.
Just got home and we are wiped. We did do the kayaking, and it was great. Visited with another friend, ate really well, slept in and then off to an ecology site with animals today before another visit and then home. Indulged in some things that are not found around here--italian ices in 100 flavors, zeppolies, real NY pizza & bagels.
I am backlogged in grad hw to a scary extent. I have to buckle down and get some major work done.
The divorce is scheduled for Wed--only 2 days to go. I just can't shake this feeling of....defeat, of deep sadness. People keep telling me that the closure will make me feel better. I don't think so, not at all.
My sponsor is going to come to court with me, as well as my pastor.
I still wish there was something that I could do to stop this, but accept that there isn't. I have to put it in God's hands. But even that doesn't make the hurt any less.
Kids and I had a good weekend--the weather couldn't have been more beautiful--but there are always those thoughts, like static on the radio.
Just got home and we are wiped. We did do the kayaking, and it was great. Visited with another friend, ate really well, slept in and then off to an ecology site with animals today before another visit and then home. Indulged in some things that are not found around here--italian ices in 100 flavors, zeppolies, real NY pizza & bagels.
I am backlogged in grad hw to a scary extent. I have to buckle down and get some major work done.
The divorce is scheduled for Wed--only 2 days to go. I just can't shake this feeling of....defeat, of deep sadness. People keep telling me that the closure will make me feel better. I don't think so, not at all.
My sponsor is going to come to court with me, as well as my pastor.
I still wish there was something that I could do to stop this, but accept that there isn't. I have to put it in God's hands. But even that doesn't make the hurt any less.
The divorce is scheduled for Wed--only 2 days to go. I just can't shake this feeling of....defeat, of deep sadness. People keep telling me that the closure will make me feel better. I don't think so, not at all.
My sponsor is going to come to court with me, as well as my pastor.
I still wish there was something that I could do to stop this, but accept that there isn't. I have to put it in God's hands. But even that doesn't make the hurt any less.
Donna...Found,
I wish there was something profound I could write to help you. It is such a very tough place to be. I found prayer to be very helpful. I also found striving for acceptance while just putting one foot in front of the other helpful.
In my case, I drove past the courthouse every day on the way home from work. That made it extra tough knowing my D was one day closer.
Finally, I pray you eventually no longer see the D as a defeat. It was something where your H made a choice. It was not some kind of competition or battle. It was all about him, not you....
Take Care,
NMD
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
Sally, our sitches were so similar, but we see just how different the outcomes can be. Wishing I was you tonight. If my H ever shed a tear over what has happened, I haven't seen it since the night he left back in July. I think he also knows about this site, but just doesn't care enough to read any of it--afraid that it might put doubt in his mind, or just hurt to hear it, I don't know.
One foot in front of the other, and prayers that I may come to see God's plan.
