I can really empathize with your 'limbo' -- although my H's A is still super secret (in his mind, at least). I've been struggling with shining light on it (and so far have made the decision not to) but holding my tongue and acting 'as if' is so hard!!
And I have a feeling he has some crazy ideas about initating a D and still having free access to this house (he has a home office here) or even winding up here with OW and her kids (and ours!)
Is there any chance that your H is doing this to try to get you to be the one to leave the house? What's your position on this?
L2 -No.. he's not trying to get me to leave. He really can't as I have no place to go but he, in theory, has already been living out most of his weeks at the ow's house... and, he or they together can't afford to stay in our house anyway.
So, today I was the ultimate non-detached, anti-DB'er. I laid into stbx about his immoral character and the situation that he was introducing the children into. I said that if he and ow were so committed to each other then they should get married before moving their families in together. He said he wasn't going to do something stupid like that (i.e -get married right away). Am I wrong here or maybe just old-fashioned??? I then told him not to try to initiate intimacy with me again. If he is so committed to ow then he needs to have only her!!
Keep pushing the "You should marry her." Tell her that she's the woman of his dreams, he was willing to give up his family, his wife, his house, even being a full-time dad to his child for her then he has found his "true love" (gag me!) and needs to marry her and spend the rest of his life with her.....
Also, maybe the anti-DBing (telling him what an immoral, horrible role model he is, and how this is going to make his daughter think it's okay to do this stuff) will push him out of the house.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I saw your post to me in MC's thread and thought I'd pop over here instead! I am sad to read that your bone head husband will not figure this out until it's too late. I'd go with ROOT and seduce him but that's easy for me to say not sharing the house with him. It's funny but I did seduce my H the nite before he moved into his apt - and then commented to him about what would OW say and then he asked if I was going to use that over his head and I never did...so I guess my talk is cheap. I'd for sure do the exlax brownies thing!!!
I had so many hopes for you, you hung in there as much as I did - I guess I lucked out with a way more impatient OW that just hung herself...she approached me last weekend and we talked for an hour (at my son's flag football). She got some good lectures from me - not what she expected...overall she is sad she lost me as a friend - but who knows if she's telling the truth. At least I crossed this hurdle - I was worried about running into her in our small town...
Overall H and I are doing great but we still talk about OW and the affair quite a bit which gets old but helps him get it all out...
You are destined to meet someone who will appreciate YOU. You are a wonderful person and a loving caring mom and some guy out there will see this!
Take care!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
Hey HB.. So glad things are going well for you and your H. I cannot imagine speaking to ow for even two minutes. You are a Saint!
As for seducing stbx.. Not gonna happen.. I told HIM to leave ME alone! Not the right thing and it'd make me feel worse. I don't understand why he would even want anything with me right now anyway since life is so wonderful and he is so happy in ow paradise.
It looks like I have been officially replaced. stbx and ow are getting cozy at his Dad's place again this weekend. Isn't it ironic that when we met, they weren't even speaking because his Dad physically/verbally abused him his whole life. Isn't it ironic that he goes to the place where he knows that this R will be accepted because his Dad did the same thing.. Actually.. it just makes me sick..
So, can anyone tell me how you detach at this stage of the game?? I am so po'd at him most of the time that I can't even stand the sound of his voice.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.. D4 said something about being at ow's. My Mom said,"oh, you stayed at ow's house last weekend?". To which D4 replied "Yes, for TOO long!".
