Real life...part 3

[Starshyne]

Hello everyone....here I am again with another thread. I don't feel like going into everything that has happened over the past 5 months. Sorry.

Today is our 5 year wedding anniversary. I am overwhelmed with saddness at the moment, so I just thought I would post here.

H is still messing with my mind. He called me today and told me that he can't see himself with the OW. He knows that their relationship isn't going to make it, but he is literally scared to end it with her. He thinks she is going to beat him up (and since I have now actually seen the woman...yeah...she is an amazon! She would cause him major harm). He is trying to wait for the right time to end it for her so that she doesn't hurt him physically. I tell you....this life is insane.

I actually feel like I talked to my "husband" on the phone. The man I married 5 years ago today. He was crying and telling me that he thinks something is mentally wrong with him and that he wants to get help for himself. He says that he just wants things in his life back to normal without all of the drama that she causes.

Yet....he is still with her. He sends me TMs saying that he loves me and that he is so sorry for everything he has done. But still he is with her.

I am confused. I have told his boss that they were having an affair. I told my family and friends that we were getting a divorce. My Dad has lectured me to no end about what a rotten person my H is and that I just need to cut all ties with him and move on with my life. And yet....I still want my marriage. Maybe I am just as addicted to my H has he is to the OW. I can tell you all what I can't tell my family....I am not ready for divorce. I should be. After everything that has happened, I should be ready for it, but honestly I am not. I am not sure if I have exhausted every avenue to save things. I want to do what is right in God's eyes and need to talk to someone about that. I just don't have peace about this situation. No peace at all about it.

Sara