Just received my mail. My L has forwarded me a letter from Hs L. It seems he omitted a few details the other night (as I assumed he might!). He is now wanting a 4 way meeting to discuss financials so that it is all sorted on one day. The dates he suggests are after the dates my L indicated the paperwork would be ready. He also talks about 'ancillary relief'. My L has questioned this as actual D proceedings have not started yet.
These letters no longer upset me.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Hope this doesn't come off as mean or accusatory or judgemental, ACJ, but I have been around the block a few times with my 4 kids, and still one more to go, D15. This advice is meant in the most loving way, and I understand that you know your own kids better than anyone, so some or none of this may apply.
Time to DB your S15? IMHO, you are making him feel guilty, and putting pressure on him. Don't be a needy mom. Don't feel you have to compete with your H. S15 is in the honeymoon period of staying with his dad. You need to step back and let it evolve naturally. He may end up better off there (which doesn't mean you're a bad mom, just that a boy needs his dad), or he will come running home when the honeymoon period ends. I feel you are wanting your S15 to choose sides, but the children can't do that, and it's unfair to expect it. Keep your feelings about H to yourself ... the kids don't need to hear it. And, don't give him any extra money for anything. He needs to learn that he can't always come running to mommy (unless it's to live at home) whenever something 'unfair' happens with his dad. Present a united front with your H (even if he didn't do the same for you). Of course, you still need your H to keep the lines of communication open re your S15.
As for D12 ... she is going through a tough time, hormonally, as I am sure you remember from when D18 was that age. Everything is a disaster, everything is unfair, and she will feel the pain of H leaving and your attention on S15 stronger than at any other time in her life. D12 needs you more now than S15. Some things that may help are doing some mommy/daughter activities with her, like doing some crafts, or cooking, or movie night at home, will really help her feel wanted and loved. Make sure you laugh when she is being funny, cry with her when she is sad, and listen, listen, listen when she is speaking and validate her feelings even if it sounds ridiculous to you. Hug her lots. My D15 and I love doing stuff together, and we goof around and do silly stuff, but it's fun, and I have the best R with this last daughter, 'cause I finally learned to lighten up, and not be too uptight about things (my two other daughters didn't have it as good). Maybe, I've just gotten older and mellowed some.
I am sure you are doing all or some of the above, but it always bears remembering (and I remind myself of this too). Teens are like MLCers in many ways.
Take care, and I am thinking of you, and understanding quite well what you are going through with your teens.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
For the first time in a VERY long time I suddenly just burst out crying. I don't even know why. I just want this to be all over one way or the other. I'm tired of feeling trapped in a life I don't want. I'm tired of having to be the 'responsible' one 24/7 365 days of the year. I want to be able to apply for jobs b/c they are the best job for me and not just b/c they happen to be in the area I live in. I don't want to be second guessing what's going to happen tomorrow,next week, month or year. I just want to feel like someone loves me.
Ok pity party over (although the tears are still there).
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
For the first time in a VERY long time I suddenly just burst out crying. I don't even know why. I just want this to be all over one way or the other. I'm tired of feeling trapped in a life I don't want. I'm tired of having to be the 'responsible' one 24/7 365 days of the year. I want to be able to apply for jobs b/c they are the best job for me and not just b/c they happen to be in the area I live in. I don't want to be second guessing what's going to happen tomorrow,next week, month or year. I just want to feel like someone loves me.
Ok pity party over (although the tears are still there).
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Feeling a bit better this morning. I guess it may have been a delayed reaction to the letter from my L. Who knows. It doesn't really matter. I need to stop analyisng every last second of my life. I am me and I have to accept that. I also have to accept that if others don't like me/want me that's their problem not mine.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
