I feel so good right now and know what I need to do.
Jodi from the DB center was fantastic and really worked with me on what was going on with H and what I needed to do at this point. Best 150.00 I ever spent.
I'll talk later right now to much going on.
JAK
Oh Man Jak... WHat a tease..............I'm waiting.....
the other husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Yesterday I spoke with Jodi from DB. She helped me to figure out where H is at and what his MLC is about we feel.
We feel that he is the typical MLCer feeling old and Inadequate. By telling her what he has said and done past and present it helped to put into perspective what he needs to see and hear from me.
CL, Sounds like you were indeed right about the fact that I talk then leave him alone and then when things stop progressing I in a sense let him know he has failed.
I need to be his CHEERLEADER. What his underlying issues(Jodi called them motives) seem to be are the inadequacy, and attention. My reaction to the motives were: annoyed /irritated = his attention = I need to act happy all of the time and be more accessible but not pamper him. Depressed/Hopeless = inadequacy = I need to make him feel like the most important person(pump his ego). Im'e thinking OW did a lot of that Hence the cards when she wanted work done on her house.(she now has hired out what she needs done)
He seems to feel inadequate and needs the attention right now and that is in the form of positive reinforcement. I have been cheerleading but I have thrown in the mix what I need to feel loved and thus made him feel that he is not good enough for me. HE is always saying Im'e perfect and that I don't need to fix anything. NO ONE IS PERFECT! and I have told him this.
I do have renewed hope right now that I can help for him to work through this.
time to go really cheerlead and put on my huge smiley face and act as if life is perfect.
JAK
Has anyone thought that the edit button is still broke so that we cannot post an e-mail and delete it.
See Jeanette's posts over in MLC what a sweetie she is and devious too.
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Jak, Thanks for sharing your DB meeting with us. It's a reminder for all of us here in Piecing.
We need to learn to manage our internal reactions to our spouses, and not allow them to influence the R in a negative way.
I like the Five Hindrances to Happiness in Buddhist thought as a guide--desire, restlessness, doubt, lethargy/fatigue, and aversion. Our work is to keep these mental states from having too much influence in our lives.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
