Got it! I did want to share on more little "ledge" I stepped out on and get some feedback (you guys are so good at this). I had been thinking a lot about how my H had tried to reach out to me in the past few months and also about how when he did I would say no with the added lecture about how he couldn't "have it both ways" and he needed to "make up {his} mind"...so...my 180 for that was to send him an email. Again, I have been in the habit of "going dark" lately but in the wrong way. I'd either go to the other extreme and not give it enough time, or I'd be downright rude about it. This is what I did today: I sent H an email that was just friendly and to the point. I said I'd been thinking and just wanted to apologize for being so intent on my own desires to be his wife that I forgot how to be his friend. I kept the email light and tried not to get too deep into how I was feeling, in fact, I just focused on how I empathized with how "rough" it must be for H ! I then said that we could officially "wipe the slate clean" and that I had no desire nor did I see any need to revisit the past, and that my "friendship is still here". I felt a little weird about it, because I've never really sent him emails that didn't invite more OR talks, but I thought since it was so very the opposite of the norm., that I'd be okay. I figured if he didn't respond then I'd at least know I'd smoothed things over a bit. I know in DB the book, it says we must make our actions take precedence over our words but I was going by the any change is good method too. I also called this morning because I forgot to ask about what time he prefered I stopped by. That call I probably should've saved for later but I was putting my schedule on my calender at the moment. I figured that if I truly wasn't concerned with him coming back or not, the call would've been no big deal, so I try to keep that mind set. That being said though, I think I will now try to "lay low" until my visit. THANKS FOR READING!
