I waited the first two years after he left, because I hoped that he would see that the grass wasn't really greener. The last three have been because neither of us wants to go through the expense of a divorce. We have talked about it, and were going to get a mediator, but then we had a month where first my son, then my daughter, and then I required hospitalization. And everything got put on hold and I have never brought it up again.
I do love my husband. I'm trying to understand why he left. He had several EAs before he left, but (according to him) they were never PAs. However, I'm wondering if I'm loving an idealized version of my husband, as I really do not know him these days.
We were going through some stressful situations (raising teenagers) and I was significantly depressed for a long time before seeking help. I think all of that contributed to his feeling that he had "settled" and led to his withdrawing from the marriage and the family. I am much better now, and can see where my depression contributed to so much in the dynamic of the relationship.
Since he left he has been very kind, courteous, and has told me that he will always "care" about me and that he is sorry he cannot love me as I want him to. I think it's mostly guilt that motivates him to stay in limbo. But I don't know that for certain, because we don't talk about the relationship.
We are not Catholic, but I do view marriage as a "lifetime commitment" and maybe that motivates me to not file yet.
I don't know if I want to file, I'm only wondering if I should. I would prefer to try to find a way to attract his attention again and rekindle some things. Maybe it's too late, though.
Married: 25 years Separated: 5 years Kids: 2, ages 21 and 24 Me: 53 H: 50
