Don't give up,but your detaching is great work. I found two semi-weird things helped me. One was actually doing a prayer type of meditating calm exercise when I expected H to call from afar. That way I didn't lose my temper with him on the phone. I exercised madly which was good for a million reasons. Also, I read this somewhere and it helped me. I said out loud, (sometimes in the shower so no one else could hear) either "I forgive you h" or to God, I'd say "I turn my pain/anger over to you" and saying that out loud to yourself about a 100 times, HELPS. I'm serious. There is something "lightening" about it, as you've discovered by wishing your wife "well" at night.
My pain and anger consumed me and would have consumed my life, cutting me off from happiness or loving my kids fully. So I HAD to let it go anyway I could, even with gimmicky stuff. For me, it helped. Didn't have to tell h about it, b/c it was not about letting him know how I felt. It was about freeing myself, getting back MY life, not his. I think that's part of detachment.
Keep up the good work. And your kids response on Mother's day, though sad, probably got blamed on you by your wife. Of course. But down inside she's praying that in time they'll ease up.
Decades ago my uncle left my aunt for OW. He married Ow. There were children, and OW''s ex h, and his pain and so many raminifications my uncle never had considered. He once told his mother, about 5 years later, "If I'd known how much pain this would cause, I'd have stayed with aunt."
The good news is that he was a cheater by nature, so my aunt really was better off without him. She remarried happily. It took awhile, but yes, she says now he did her a favor. Not necessarily applicable to you, but thought I'd share.
Again, keep up the good work. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
