Today I had to follow my own advice. I had to "do some thing hurt".
While thing do indeed get better as time passes by after a divorce, there are still a lot of painful moments. My ex is very uncommunicative with regards to our kids. Well in regards to pretty much everything really, but the painful part is a lack of communication regarding the kids.
It feels as if avoidance of communication is her main control mechanism. Kids are mainly in her care because of my work schedule and proximity to their school. When I do have them for a weekend, there is no opportunity for any discussion or co-decision-making or co-parenting. She simply informs me what she has lined up for the kids and turns them over.
No opportunity for me to give input or factor in my parameters for the weekend. I tell you it stings. To feel so freakin powerless over my own parenting. If I try to establish dialogue, she avoids, gets angry, resents, or just shuts down. Countless people have promted her to be more communicative. If they press too hard, she writes them off too and avoids. She just doesnt care.
I spent tens of thousands in legal fees to get to where we are at and unless I want to spend thousands more, I just have to learn to accept it and work around it.
If ever there was a time for surrender, this is it.
Divorce, the gift of pain that keeps giving for a long, long time.
Dont get me wrong, there is much that is going right and much to be grateful for. There are just these painful moments. Still. After 5+ years. All so "She" could be "happy". This was all for her and the OM. Nobody else in this whole situation got what they wanted but them. Kids, families, friends, me.... we all paid for it for her. Financially and emotionally. Divorce of this nature is a hideous thing.
