Mark- I think about OM and H very differently right now. I think of my H with respect, compassion, and warm/comfortable feelings. The OM gets me feeling sad because I miss him, wondering what he is doing, miss the passion, miss how he made me laugh and smile all the time, his touch, how he held my hand, how we did things together, how proud of me he was.
Who care's what he's doing! Your husband is miserable, and the O M was a princpal member of that pain. It wasn't passion, it was escape from being miserable about your marriage. Don't romanticize your affair.
He lied, snuck around, and used your sadness to hurt your husband. He was not proud of you, he was deluded into thinking lying and sneaking around was healthy activity for grown adults.
Sorry whatdidido, but you are not thinking of OM, you are fantasizing. The truth is, he lied, snuck around with you, and hurt the father of your child. Your husband is misreable and having traumatic flashbacks, don't fantasize about something that is causing your husband pain.
Each time you see an image of that fantasy, picture your husband in that fantasy crying and miserble...that should remove the fantasy rather quickly.
Originally Posted By: whatdidido
There are some important things that OM is going through today and tomorrow. It is very hard to not know how everything went. It's like abandoning a friend....I know, I know....I shouldn't give a crap about him......I know.
Never MIND what the OM is going through, think about what your HUSBAND is going through my dear. The OM was not a friend, he was a trespasser in your marriage. He hurt your husband and your son. He's not a friend, he hurt them both, and left you to clean up the mess he made of your family's lives.
Sorry whatdidido, but you need to acknowledge the damage he's done or you will continue to fantasize. My guess is you blame yourself rather than the OM.
Affairs are like any other unhealthy escape like gambling or drinking. When someone is at a bar and SHOULD go home because they are miserable and they want to drink more, the OM is the type of person who just buys them another drink. Your HUSBAND is the type who holds their keys and drives them home.
How can you fantasize about someone who explits someone who is miserable and uses them rather than taking them home to safety?
