Hope your dog is okay or doing better after the vet treatment. It must be nice to at least have their companionship through this hardship.
Yes, it's hard to understand it all. I came a across a couple of "old" cards (1 year ago or less) that were somewhat similar in message.
I hope he is able to reconnect and see what he has been missing with you, and the potential for things to be great for both of you. It seems like he is in another world at this moment, so that means you need to be good with yourself and build the most tolerable situation you can in the midst of some difficult holding of space.
Thank you so much for the encouragement! Yes, it is hard seeing those cards & for things to be as they are now, I know you can relate.
I took my dog to this holistic vet 2 weeks ago, she was having some kidney failure & not eating. Recheck today & she has gained back some weight & is eating better. She still has problems but he said she has been staying strong for me b/c of what I've been going thru. Yes, they have been great companions with everything that has been going on. She does seem better & he thinks she is better too. I've never been to a holistic vet or doctor before, it is strange but with her improvement I'm becoming a believer. She is on lots of supplements but so far so good.
I want so much to call my xH & tell him about what is going on but I know I can't. When I left the vet this afternoon, normally the first thing I would do is call him, so that was hard. These dogs were like our kids since we couldn't have any & I would have thought he would have wanted to hear from them. He knew she was having kidney failure, I told him when he was here a month ago. This dog has really been closer to me & is more like my dog but still he cared for her & the other one still looks for him. It's sad when you can't explain so they understand what is going on. I'm sure it's like that with kids too, probably worse.
Thanks very much for posting on my thread. I appreciate your kind words and support. I'm glad to hear that your dog is doing better, hopefully she's on the road to recovery. I've been thinking a lot about getting one, though I don't know about leaving him/her alone for much of the day when I'm at work. I'm pretty responsible that way. And the wet dog smell isn't my favorite : ) on the other hand, there is something so amazing and unconditional about dog love, isn't there??
I'd love to be followed around all day with loving eyes...sigh...guess that isn't happening with my W., but maybe a nice little pug dog would be a love substitute!! : )
The business of wanting to call your xH and tell him about the dog is so natural...that's another one of those "reality checkpoints" where you are reminded of how things are different at this time. It hurts.
At least you get to maintain some sense of "family" with the dogs and you at home so you are not totally isolated. I know it is a far cry from having your H. at home, but it's nice to have other life / lives in the home space. And they must be great to talk to--non-defensive listening even on really difficult topics!
Hang in there and one foot in front of the other. Don't look too far ahead, it gets overwhelming quickly (I'm an expert on this as you can tell in my thread).
I've just discovered that my xH is on vacation with OW! I know he has a right to do whatever he wants to but I'm having the hardest time with this! We are supposed to be on vacation together!!!! or at least planning one for the fall. We always went around our anniversary to celebrate. I'm so afraid he won't come back to me. I know I've got to GAL & turn it over to God but I'm having such a hard time right now!!!
It is great to have the dogs around they have unconditional love for you & it doesn't matter if you stay gone a long time or if you are depressed they still love you & want to be around you anyway.
No need to apologize. It is normal to want to vent when you are feeling torn up inside. I can appreciate that it is a sensitive issue of him being away with OW. How did you find this out?
I'm not sure why I suspected it but I did, so I called my H cell phone, blocked my number, no answer. I called OW office, blocked number again & they said she was on vacation. I know he is with her!!!
I'm not sure why I suspected it, I guess it was just a feeling & I know how he is when he has a long weekend, he wants to do something. I'm sure he is getting into financial trouble, I know that is not my concern but I can't help worry about him like that b/c I know how he was when I met him & he doesn't know how to manage money. I took over his checkbook about 6 months after we met (I'm a bookkeeper). Of course I only paid his bills & with his credit cards I could only pay min. After we married, I took out a loan in my name, paid off all CC's plus his student loan, cut up his CC's & told him we would pay them off at the end of each month. I had his credit score up to 827 as of 2006. But he is a spender & I'm a saver. When I could see his CC's before D, he was only paying off a little at a time & he has 4 CC's now. We only had 2 together.
And he had the nerve to tell his lawyer that I had to refinance the house & SUV so if I made a late pymt or missed a pymt that it wouldn't ruin his credit rating. And, while it's still in his name if I'm late I will have to sell immediately. I'm the one that kept him from going bankrupt when we first met (he did admit that to mediator) & he knows me better than that b/c I don't like late charges or paying interest on CC's.
Oh well, I know I'm not responsible for his money now but he said I used him b/c I didn't work full time for the last 3 years, yet I supported him when he didn't have a pot to p!ss in & helped him make his child support pymts. I told him in the letter I wrote to him that he said I was using him but he didn't know what being used was but he was about to find out. He had told me he had been lonely for years (he didn't show it & he doesn't hide his feelings very well), I also told him that if he stayed on this path that he didn't know what lonely was but he was going to find that out also.
It just hurts so bad & I just can't stand the thought of them off having fun like we used to do. In the fall of 2006 we had the best vacation & I was looking forward to 2007 but that's when he hit me with the D bomb!
I know, I'm just devastated right now. I just keep praying that he will see her for what she really is, maybe she is flirting with someone else while they are on vacation. I had to be careful about how I looked at someone else, he is a jealous person so I doubt she will do that for him. She is older than he is about 1 1/2 years so what I'm afraid of is that she may try to hang on to him since she is getting older, but she has already had 3 husbands or more so I don't know. My H really is a good man, I just hope she doesn't change her ways to hang on to him, I'm not sure she can at her age. (She will be 50 in Nov.)
Thanks for letting me vent, this is the only place I can do that & get great support!!!!
(((nlt))) So sorry that you are feeling so much pain today.
Even if he did go on vacation with OW, I bet he's feeling some kind of guilt (from getting a D just so he legalize his A) and uneasiness (from being in debt).
As much as possible, try to find fun things to do to occupy your mind so that you can at least be distracted from this for some of the time. I know it hurts. Take care of you at this time, because you deserve to be taken care of, even if it's you taking care of you.
When I am upset, I go out to watch a movie, lunch by myself or with a GF, or go to a dance event, or go shopping or window shopping. I do feel better afterwards. I learned that feelings follow action so in taking an action, I often feel better.
Hi nlt - I just read May 23rd's Charlyne Cares newsletter link . It talks about the stander in despair and pain. I thought you might find some comfort in that newsletter.
Boy can I relate to what you are saying. My ex constantly goes on vacation with OW. It is just another way of running and justifying their relationship. Sure, they have some good moments, but as soon as the vacation is done, reality hits them. Vacations are just part of the process.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I sure hope you are right & he is really feeling the guilt & pain right now. I'm afraid he is just having a good time! I do pray that he is feeling the guilt.
I did clean my house today & washed the SUV, that was helpful just to do something like that, it wasn't too much fun by myself, we always washed the SUV & his truck together but it made me feel good to get it cleaned up. I have a couple of cousins coming in town tomorrow so I plan to go to lunch with them. That should help. I have a whirlpool bathtub & took advantage of it tonight. At least my headache that I've had for 3 days went away.
My dogs can tell that I'm depressed, they both keep staring at me & will come in the room I'm in to check on me. I watched a movie tonight with them sitting in my lap, well beside me they are both about 70 lbs. but they are just like babies! It's just so hard as I'm sure you know!!!
Thank you so much for the link to Charlyne Cares, what a great newsletter. I printed it out & will go read it again.
I thought the pain was getting better for a while but seems like this week has really been rough, not sure why it just has been. Of course I haven't seen or heard from him in over a month. I sure miss him!!!
