The mystery is that my W thinks she is a great mother, she says that what she is doing does not involve the kids, just our M....(?) that I have to keep being a good father and the kids are going to be fine.... so basically the responsibility is mine! She built her imaginary world and I cannot do anything about it.
I think that's pretty common. I know my H has said he always spent a lot of time with the kids even when he was barely here the 3 or 4 months before he moved out??? And even when he was here, he was texting the OW! My kids didn't even care when H moved out, and my S14 explained to the therapist that it wasn't much different when he moved out b/c H wasn't home much anyway. I guess nobody wants to think of themselves as being a bad parent, so they have to kind of lie to themselves and not really face the truth. My H at first was thinking that I was brainwashing the kids, but we actually never really talk about him at all. So now he is spending more time with the kids b/c I think to some extent he realized he had neglected them maybe or for whatever reason he is spending more time with them now that he has moved out.
I do try to be a stable influence and good role model and all that to make up for my H's instability during the past year, but you can just be a good parent and hope that will be enough I guess. Of course, your W is rationalizing it doesn't affect the kids: my H has also said that, that he'll have more money & more time off from his job after the divorce, I'll meet someone wonderful, everyone will be happier, and other things like that which you can tell he is just in a fantasy world. I do wonder how long he can possibly stay in that before he gets a little more reality-based, but I don't really know! Karen
Karen