I guess I’ve been living on the rollercoaster for longer than I have realized. Sad to think that I have come to expect it, and look forward to the "crumbs" of happiness that H will toss my way.
I have never been a doormat in this R with him. I have always been one to fight back. But after this last year, it's safe to say that I am not quite sure who I am anymore. I used up a lot of my “fight”, and I don’t want to fight anymore. I have opened that door and seen how short life is. I just want to get along. But H doesn’t, and now I’m really in the fight of our life.
You’re right, it isn’t fair and I am probably feeling sorry for myself. I’ve had CANCER, damnit! Why do I now have to deal with this MLC crap? Ok, I can answer my own question, in part because I had cancer.
Good. If I can get mad, the scared goes away a little. I am so scared that he is going to leave me that sometimes I can’t breathe. My 1st H carried on a 5 yr A with my best friend/neighbor. We live in a very small town, and everybody knew,except me. In one fell swoop I lost my husband of 18yrs, my best friend AND my hairdresser (her profession). I also almost lost my sanity. It took a lot for me to trust after that. I am terrified of going thru that again. I almost think I would relive cancer and it’s treatment rather than go thru another divorce.
Hey, here’s a thought. I’ll bet H knows that, and because of his pain (or whatever) enjoys pushing that button. Ok, so that is another reason to keep calm and stay cool. Breathe. GAL, and no regrets.
I can do this. I can do this…..…
I came home and the DB book was not in the mail. Darn. The book I already have is the D Remedy. I’ll keep re-reading.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
