When life just hits you

[Cinderellaman]

SO...........

I think it may be finally sinking in to my head that this is all not about ow.

Today D9's boyfriends (platonic !!) mother told me (we know each other reasonably well), that she knows ow !!!! That she is in far way related through her husbands family !! OMG !!

She told me that ow left to go and see Australia because of her feelings for H, (wow, what a way to win him over...she made herself even MORE wanted that way !!) She told me that ow's parents did not like it one bit to start off with...but that now they are trying to accept it for ow's sake. (don't we all end up doing just that...)

Anyway, apparently ow is also VERY young in her mind...very young spirit (I am assuming naive and in love ...)

URGH.

This tells me H left us for that....NOPE, he left because he is foolish enough to THINK that SHE will do for him. He left me, he stopped living with his children. He chose this other life...and I can only be left guessing why. But somewhere inside of me, it tells me that he was not happy, that something inside of him is not right, right now...that maybe it may never be.

I am so sad for him. Sad that he can't see the value of what he put aside. Sad that he will miss out on so many precious moments, only to find out, maybe one day, that you only live once and that what you miss, you miss.
Sad that he has broken so many hearts, especially our kid's hearts. Sad that a marriage that could have been good, never stood a chance by him wanting something different.
It saddens me to think of it all.

I am greatful to be standing on this side. It has made me feel even stronger and more sure of making the right choices, of loving my kids, friends and family. I still love him. I still would take him back. But I know that for now, I must accept that he is a lost soul.