I have also had the feeling that you'll be in NJ. I've felt it all along. I so hope it works that way since you deserve it dearly!
The L sounds like a great source of info and hopefully, like Jeanette said, she won't charge a whole lot since all the paperwork is already submitted by JA.
Okay, well that's good then. So hopefully being properly represented will help things change for the best for you then. I'm trying to be optimistic in this sh*tty situation.
So if you refuse the current D filing, and establish a new residence with your kids by your family ... as in leave donkey ... but stay legally M ... what is the fallout?
How long would you need to maintain a hostile situation like that before proceeding with your own filing, or accepting his? I don't see how he could make you move back, or give up custody.
Sorry this seems to keep getting worse for you, but please don't discount the fact that you have just been saved from the certain complete disaster that your old L was creating.
In the end, a D is never all about what just one side wants. It becomes an undesired settlement that often seems unfair to both parties. Niether gets as much as they had hoped financially or otherwise. But I think changing L at this point promises to improve any resolution for your immediate future.
Continue to work on defining "all" the financial pitfalls of not being able to move near family. Encourage a new L to seek time limits on any restrictions you may face in a settlement. A good L should be able to utilize those bargaining chips, as well as the possibility that you have the right to refuse a D entirely. Donkey has had too much control. He craves it and depends on it. You need to discover every possible way you can regain control over your life, and maintain your position in your children's lives.
If you are forced to delay moving, fight for the most restrictive boundaries you can get. Just because he does not have to drive some distance for his visitations, he should not assume they will become discretionary. He does sound like a person who will happily look for every opportunity to withold or delay financial obligations when he wants additional privileges and fails. Tie his hands tightly, and understand you can not deny anything later that he is granted now.
Most of all, strongly encourage any new L to fight for "outs".
If donkey gets stubborn later after not getting his way, or witholds support because he loses his job ... fight for an "out" clause that allows you to immediately move near family for the aid and support he fails to provide.
Judge may have already come to some opinion on some things, but a new L might be just what you need to get judge to consider additional "reasonable" terms, like the conditions under which you would be free to do what you must for yourself and your kids.
Make this new opportunity a positive and believe in it as a step along the way, not the end of the journey. Use this long weekend to clear your mind of what was not working and make room for the good that is possible.
