Checking in...nothing new to report, just waking up each day with faith that we can both progress and build a lifetime of love and service to each other and our family.
Glad to see you keeping up the good fight. I'm not sure where to lead you other than listen inside and do what is right. I think W is a little surprised how I have dropped the rope and haven't turned into an sniveling heap. Right now I have left it up to someone higher. If things turn around, great, if not, I've done what I could.
May I suggest getting back to spiritual and marital basics. Do the simple stuff and focus on your own growth and problems. Enjoy the simple stuff and don't sweat what you can't control.
It's kind of weird right now, it's feels like when you leave for college or any other major thing in life. You know life as you know it is going to change, some challenge are going to happen, but things will get better eventually. I think most people don't realize that a M is as much for the kids as it is for each other. W is taking it away from all of it, it will be devastating. In the long run I think it's going to hurt her the most. Oh how fooled we get every once in awhile.
Thank you for your suggestions...I have been working on spiritual basics with a little more effort lately. Whenever I feel like I'm searching for answers, that seems to be the underlying impression I receive, to focus myself on being in-tune. I appreciate your affirmation.
I know you're in a wierd spot right now. I'm sure your W is surprised at your reaction (or lack thereof). I hope it does make it harder for her.
The actions of others often bring suffering to us, but I am positive that blessings will come in added strength and even more direct ways when the time is right. And you're right. In the long run it will hurt her the most.
Phoenix_spark (PS for short?), I really like what you said, and if I may paraphrase, it was: 1. focus on yourself. 2. Let go of what you can't control. 3. even as adults, change comes, and there is the promise of a better life.
I like your college analogy quite a bit. You don't know exactly what is going to happen, what you will find. You know there will be hard times, and good. Then you just need to follow it through, jump it, just do it, without garauntees of the outcome.
M is about kids, and it's unfair that they suffer while we (I say we, even if we feel it's really just our spouses. Our spouse's actions have caused us to change and grow too) change. We do the best we can, and hope we show a good example for our kids.
I think my W is really hurt by what she did to the kids. You can't get that back. Of course, you have to forgive yourself (she has to forgive herself) and move on anyway, no matter how bad it was. I don't know your story, but I hope firstly that your kids are well and will be well, and secondly that your W finds herself. It sounds like you have already, or are, finding yourself.
Sorry aud, for talking to PS on your thread.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
You're welcome to talk to anyone on my thread! Thanks for your additions to the conversation. You're both right on. I think doing the best we can is the key.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Hey Aud, Just checking in. Sounds like you've got good perspective. You have a good handle on yourself and your emotions. Wonderful!
My gets very uncomfortable when he is trying to talk about his feelings. It makes him squirm. The difference between me and my H is that I an SO aware of my every emotion, which is probably why I have trouble with anxiety. My H is not at all in touch with his feelings or aware of what he is feeling at any time. That is probably why he's so cool, calm and collected. Somehwere in between would probably be ideal. Anyway, just know that it is part of who your H is. HE doesn't like to share. Perhaps you can let him know that although it's uncomfortable for him, maybe he can share a bit so you can feel closer to him.
How is your h doing with the spiritual thing?
Anyway, hang tight. You're doing awesome.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
Just a thought, maybe your H's, spouses, are sharing their feelings, but not in a way/language you are hearing.
I want my W to be affectionate. She is, if I look, just not how I would like her to be. I want her to flirt, to touch, to tell me she is thinking of me. She calls, takes care of "things" (chores, kids, etc.), she tries, in her way. She came back, and she didn't have to.
In other words, actions can speak louder than words. If you're not hearing what you think you need to hear, maybe you have a choice: accept that you're not going to get it the way you want it and appreciate what you do get, or go for what you want and need, even if it means ending your M/R. You have to know yourself, and really know what you need and why, not just think you need.
Neither choice leads to constant joy. Both have plusses and minuses, loss and gain.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
You're welcome to talk to anyone on my thread! Thanks for your additions to the conversation. You're both right on. I think doing the best we can is the key.